Do you often find yourself arguing with your girl and going in circles without any resolution, even perhaps making things worse? You think everything you say is so logical, but why doesn't she just get it? The more you try to reason and persuade her with logic, the more angry she gets.
What is going on? The most important thing to understand here is that both of you are communicating on totally different levels.
Men and women do communicate differently.
Men tend to communicate from a logical perspective, while women tend to communicate as a result of their feelings.
When you try to communicate with your lady in the same way that you are thinking, without addressing her feelings, both of you are just on totally different wavelengths.
When your girl is upset or arguing about something, the first thing you need to address is her emotional state.
Facts and logic never influence emotional states.
This is so important it needs to be reiterated: Facts and logic NEVER influence emotional states.
If you want to get through to your girl, you need to get through to her emotions.
You need to CHANGE her emotional state.
By arguing with her in a logical fashion, you are demonstrating that you are not tuned in to her emotions, that you don't find her emotions to be valid, and you are only just making her more angry.
Best thing to do when you are facing an argument is not to argue.
Yes, that's right, DON'T ARGUE.
An argument is either based on facts and logic, which as demonstrated, does not get results, or it is not based on facts and logic, which makes it a meaningless waste of time.
Let your girl air her grievances, and tell her that you understand how she FEELS.
This is not saying that you agree with her, and you shouldn't needlessly agree if she's wrong just to avoid confrontation- that sets a bad a precedent.
No, you are only acknowledging that you UNDERSTAND her feelings.
At this point, she will probably be more calm, since she is starting to get the validation that she is seeking.
At this point, you are in a position to change her emotional state.
The truth is that people's emotional states are high influenced by the emotional states of others around them.
For example, if you are at your friend's place and he is morbidly depressed, it will start to rub off on you.
Likewise, if you are feeling down, and then you go to a party with lively friends, your mood will probably pick up.
Same thing here.
Once you have acknowledged your woman's feelings, she will be in a much more open state to follow your lead.
At this point, save the technicalities of who was right or wrong for another time.
Assume a more positive emotional state.
Give her a hug, sit down with a calm demeanor, give her a compliment, or say something she'll find amusing.
She'll follow your lead since you have been connecting with her.
The fact that you validated her feelings makes her want to feel even more connected, so she'll take your lead in establishing the frame of the interaction.
Hug her, kiss her, make her feel appreciated and understood.
Then and only then, do you ever address any of the fine points you had been debating.
Remember, this is a multi-step process: 1.
Acknowledge her feelings 2.
Assume a more positive emotional state 3.
Lead her into your emotional frame 4.
Diffuse the tension 5.
Deal with the details later If you incorporate these steps as outline, I am quite sure you will start seeing much more positive outcomes in disagreements with your lady.