The Number One Mistake People Make When Trying to Rescue a Relationship
Every relationship goes through good times and not so good times, and it's natural to think about what you are doing wrong when things are a little rough.
It's my opinion that this is an area where the plague of chat-shows and self-help books has done immeasurable damage to society.
If you follow the advise of 90% of self help books or watch even one 'expert'(read opinionated jerk who more often than not is single but has some fancy pants degree from a university so gets to appear on a chat show with a host who was recently divorced but still feels qualified to hand out relationship advice) on a chat show the advice they will give you will almost definitely be "talk it through" or "talk about your relationship and what you need and want from it" or some variation of this advise.
That's rubbish.
Let me ask you this - they very first time you met your partner - did you walk up to them and say "I'm looking for someone who can nurture my creative side and respect me for the person I am not who they want me to be.
I also want to have children within 3 years, but I don't want to be pigeon-holed as a parent and feel my career is important to who I am and my partner should respect that.
"? I'm guessing no.
You also probably will probably never pick someone up at a bar with the line "My last partner always dropped their underpants on the floor never in the laundry basket, and I don't think I can be happy with someone who doesn't put the butter back in the fridge".
These are issues that need to be worked through at some point for sure, but they are not what runs or breaks a relationship.
The basis of a relationship is emotional, not rational.
In the honeymoon stage of a relationship you don't give a damn if someone leaves the butter on the bench or leaves the toilet seat up/down.
It's irrelevant because the person doing it is the person you LOVE.
So, after a long winded introduction here is my advise to you if the relationship is looking wobbly.
DON'T talk things through and think you are going to solve all your problems.
More often than not this just becomes a nitpicking session that does more damage than good to the relationship.
Instead, seek to recapture that zing that attracted you to each other in the first place.
Don't think of your partner as someone you have lived with for the past 20 years, think of them as someone you want to live with for the next 20.
Think of them as someone that you want to impress all over again as if today is the first day of your relationship all over again.
Because in a very real sense - it is.
It's my opinion that this is an area where the plague of chat-shows and self-help books has done immeasurable damage to society.
If you follow the advise of 90% of self help books or watch even one 'expert'(read opinionated jerk who more often than not is single but has some fancy pants degree from a university so gets to appear on a chat show with a host who was recently divorced but still feels qualified to hand out relationship advice) on a chat show the advice they will give you will almost definitely be "talk it through" or "talk about your relationship and what you need and want from it" or some variation of this advise.
That's rubbish.
Let me ask you this - they very first time you met your partner - did you walk up to them and say "I'm looking for someone who can nurture my creative side and respect me for the person I am not who they want me to be.
I also want to have children within 3 years, but I don't want to be pigeon-holed as a parent and feel my career is important to who I am and my partner should respect that.
"? I'm guessing no.
You also probably will probably never pick someone up at a bar with the line "My last partner always dropped their underpants on the floor never in the laundry basket, and I don't think I can be happy with someone who doesn't put the butter back in the fridge".
These are issues that need to be worked through at some point for sure, but they are not what runs or breaks a relationship.
The basis of a relationship is emotional, not rational.
In the honeymoon stage of a relationship you don't give a damn if someone leaves the butter on the bench or leaves the toilet seat up/down.
It's irrelevant because the person doing it is the person you LOVE.
So, after a long winded introduction here is my advise to you if the relationship is looking wobbly.
DON'T talk things through and think you are going to solve all your problems.
More often than not this just becomes a nitpicking session that does more damage than good to the relationship.
Instead, seek to recapture that zing that attracted you to each other in the first place.
Don't think of your partner as someone you have lived with for the past 20 years, think of them as someone you want to live with for the next 20.
Think of them as someone that you want to impress all over again as if today is the first day of your relationship all over again.
Because in a very real sense - it is.
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