How to get your ex back? What a query to be hurling out there, a bit of disarray in your natural order of things? What I mean is something has gone wrong at home, an unwanted break up? Blows doesn't it? You know what else stinks, that this was the reflection sprinting through my skull when the dust settled and the door hit me in the back of the damn head.
Sure we had problems, if you're in somebody's company for 18 years that's the way of things, correct? On a regular basis at home we would get into the discussion over whose right and whose wrong about something Knowing happiness was possible in the relationship, nevertheless it wasn't up to me to make that happen.
She was the one to blame, not 5 seconds into the door and here came the bitching.
Every opening she got she would make it clear what I was or wasn't doing to her expectations.
Over and over she said she was going to leave me, her specific words being "your wilted flower is going to die if you don't give it water" Dreading to come home, though I was use to the arguing, I figured that the good days had passed.
It goes without saying I never took her threats seriously, after that many years with each other she wasn't going to leave.
I couldn't have been more wrong.
Incorrect about how I behaved, wrong about her threats.
Knowing I wanted my ex back, my time was been consumed reading articles and websites, watching videos online regarding relationship troubles, whatever I could find.
Trying to figure out what went wrong, what led to the final result.
Along the way I have figured out a few things, better late than never I imagine.
I have discovered I have the capability to respond and act rather than putting the fault on my spouse.
Years of the identical thought process, "If she would just change...
if she would just do this or do that etc.
, than it all would be fine.
" This was not about her it was about me getting control of myself in the relationship.
This is in no way about taking it all on myself and making the entire relationship my responsibility while at the same time anticipating her to change.
To regain your ex's love you need to bring your true self to the relationship.
Of all the large amount of couple's material I have reviewed one question has been distinct.
What do I truly want out of the relationship? This is what is meant by the term bring myself.
I am discovering the more I bring myself to the relationship the more the relationship is a factual expression of who I truly am.
Bring openly what I feel, what I desire, what i am thinking to the relationship, just be authentic.
"Why is she acting like such a pain" "How come she is being like?" Believe me, these were daily thoughts.
I would either be biting on my tongue for fear of fighting, if not we would begin the back and forth, who is wright and who is wrong debate.
Had I actually owned what I thought, let her know what I was thinking.
For instance, "I want us to be good to each other" "I want you to treat me good.
" I know, this doesn't sound like it will work while they are in such an emotional state.
What if it just furthers their frustration, don't be worried to speak up.
The entire relationship dynamic will transform.
I am learning we couples have no clue how to appropriately interact with each other even though the answer is just to be true to ourselves.
Like I said previously I am not talking about taking this all on single handed, a partnership should be a partnership.
But more than likely one of the partners has to be true to themselves in order for their partner to hop on board and let the relationship evolve organically.
Get out of the comfort zone, the mentality of believing "this is just how it is or this is just the way things are.
" To speak it and own it is colossal.
We may be situated in a vulnerable state if we go for what we desire but we either take the risk or play it safe and carry on the cycle.
When we express what we want, it's a true way to bring our presence to the partnership.
The wright and wrong needs to be eliminated.
We need to get in the habit of saying "this is what I desire, this is what I need, this is what I feel" and equally important asking what they desire, what they need, what they feel.
You and your ex must understand, quarrels regarding whose wrong and who's right will never be solved; you each need to work together not against each other.
Be aware of what it is you both actually want.
We bring our truth and our spouse brings theirs.
This offers us and our partner the ability to begin from the position of being right, wrong doesn't exist.
Having the clarity of what each of us really wants is critical.
Think of it this way, if we can be honest to who we truly are, we are able to develop the relationship to ourselves not develop ourselves to the relationship.
The relationship itself will react by us reacting in different ways to confrontational situations, they are forever developing and evolving.
Be direct to ourselves and our partner, remembering to sustain consideration throughout.