You broke up with your ex because you were hurt, badly, by something that was said or done.
You're ex is making noise about getting you back, so now you're struggling with the big question, "My ex wants me back, but can I forgive?" It seems that it's those we love the most who end up being the ones we hurt the most.
We immerse ourselves into a relationship, giving it our total devotion until we are oblivious to the vulnerabilities that open us up to the possibility of getting hurt.
It's one of life's many cycles - love, relationship, break up, pain, make up, love.
It seems that every cycle of life includes pleasure as well as pain.
It's what we learn from it and how we grow as a result of it that gives it any significance.
Can I forgive my ex for hurting me? When we are hurt we are presented with a few different paths to follow, or ways to deal with it.
We can simply try to sweep it aside and move on, yet that can lead to lingering resentment.
Or, we can pursue an internal struggle that keeps us wallowed in anger.
Or, we can learn to forgive, that is, we can find ways to heal and let go.
If we are to learn and grow from the relationship cycle, the first two choices would offer very little Choose Forgiveness.
Forgiveness, when done deliberately and effectively, allows us to let go of the anger and hostility which is the path to emotional healing and growth.
Forgiveness is also the most difficult path to follow as it requires true courage.
By forgiving your ex, you're not compromising.
You're not giving in or excusing anything.
Rather, you are healing yourself and setting yourself free.
More importantly, if your ex wants you back, it puts you in total control.
How can I forgive if my ex wants me back? Get it all out.
If you haven't done so already, get your feelings out right now.
Tell a friend.
Write them down.
Vent them and then let them fade.
Seek to understand.
As your emotional state subsides, let your mind begin to rationalize and understand where they come from.
This puts you in a better place to deal with them now, and in the future.
Open lines of communication.
Once you understand your own pain, try to understand the pain your ex is going through.
Something caused your ex to inflict pain on you.
Find out what it was.
Chances are you had a role in it.
Get your ex's view point on the whole incident.
Apologies all around.
Express remorse for any role you might have had.
Then be accepting of your ex's remorse.
Be sure to remind your ex that your hurt runs deep and that the apology, while very helpful, is just a part of the healing process.
Make it better.
With the apology your ex needs to offer a fix.
This may not come voluntarily, so you need to suggest how your ex can make it all better.
Own your part.
It takes two to tango so be open and honest about your part in the matter.
Let your ex know what changes you will bring to the relationship.
Forgiveness is hard, but it's the ultimate sign of love and strength.
Whether you actually get back with your ex, or not, it's the only path you have to healing and personal growth.
If you do go back with your ex, it's the only path that can lead to a stronger relationship.