Identify the Real Issue

• Often, an argument turns into an all-out battle involving transgressions you may have made long ago and that have no relevancy to the topic. This is usually a result of a past full of miscommunication. Resolved issues typically don't come up in an argument. While you may have to re-examine some of those issues, try to leave the past in the past. Think about what the problem really is before you bring it up. Ask yourself why you are feeling a certain way and what it is you want to change.
  
  

Don't Let Things Fester

• Many couples are content to sweep issues under the rug rather than deal with them head on. Rather than going away, the issues pile up and come out in unproductive ways like during an argument about a different problem or as hostility that seems to come from nowhere. If your partner doesn't know you're upset, you will never resolve the issue; but if you talk about problems as they arise, you can avoid an argument and even come away feeling more secure and fulfilled.
  
  

Fight Fairly

• Getting into a knock-down, drag-out fight never solved anything; and calling your partner every name in the book won't help either. When you fight dirty, it brings out your partner's insecurity and vice versa. It shows a lack of respect, which can translate into a lack of desire to work on your relationship. Instead of saying "You always do this" or "You never do that," try using phrases like "I'm feeling like this" or "I would like more of that."
  
  

Take a Break

• Arguments don't typically get fierce until both people have reached a point of intense frustration; what you're trying to say isn't coming out right and you're taking everything your partner says the wrong way. Try taking a break before you get to that point. Think about what it is that your partner is saying, and try to put yourself in his shoes. You might have even forgotten the full reason for the argument. Re-evaluate what the problem is, review your progress and you'll begin the process before the situation even reaches argument level.
  
  

Foster Understanding

• Unless you're in an abusive relationship, it's safe to assume that you and your partner love and respect each other. Try to remember that neither one of you are trying to hurt the other intentionally. People react differently to stimuli, but it's the intention behind the action that means the most. If you aren't showing those intentions in a way that your partner can understand the meaning, talk it out when you aren't mad. Let the other person know what you need and expect, and find out what you can do on your end to clarify your feelings.