Getting out of a Bad Marriage and Answering Divorce Questions
I don't think 'getting emotionally tortured' was one of the things you looked forward to when you decided to marry your soul mate. And I'm pretty sure you didn't consider the possibility of living in a bad marriage or searching the internet for divorce questions when you said your vows. I'm also sure you thought that divorce statistics point out problems with society, not those shared by the two of you.
So I have some questions for you, if you don't mind.
1. Where did you study Marriage 101?
2. How did you do on the final?
3. Was it relevant to what you have found in your own marriage?
Oh, you mean you never took a course in marriage? I see. You thought your passion and mutual love would guide you through any conceivable rough spots? You felt your communication skills are fine? You think you understand your partner but they are not loving and considerate? You think you can do much better once you're free from this current "mistake"? Welcome to the club of pain and suffering!
It isn't your Fault your Marriage is Bad; It can be Saved and Transformed into a Great Marriage
It isn't your partner's fault either! Our society is so far behind in the areas of "people" study and relationships that there is a mountain of stupid stuff you just have to pretend isn't there if you want to have a successful marriage; and it isn't too late to save this one either!
As in anything else that you want to be a success at, the first step is to learn the guiding principles and the second step is to learn the rules; those do's and don'ts that work with the guiding principles.
If you want to be a mountain climber you need to learn the principles of climbing, gravity, weather and so forth.
If you want to be a sailor you need to learn the principles of sailing, winds, buoyancy and so forth.
If you want to be successful in marriage you need to learn the principles of marriage's purposes, human interactions, gender drives and so forth.
In 99% of the bad marriages I worked with, the marriages went from bad to excellent in hours. All it took was for the couple to learn the principles and corresponding rules. I will admit that I didn't work with people who were physically abusive or psychologically damaged due to years of drug or alcohol abuse. But those situations are rare despite what the media's focus may get us to think.
My work with couples led to publication of Lessons For A Happy Marriage where virtually every important question about turning a bad marriage into a great one is answered. Because I am a mediator I was also able to answer some divorce questions. But because of the success people had it was mostly just to satisfy their curiosity (most people can't believe the extent of the horrors till they go through a divorce themselves).
I would like to ask you a few questions I asked those who came to see me.
1. Is your spouse evil or just angry?
2. Would you like to leave the past behind and start with a clean slate and the required knowledge?
3. Would you like to be loved and nurtured?
4. Would you risk a few dollars and a few hours to try something that works?
5. Don't you think your spouse is in the same pickle you are?
I know it's hard to see your way out of this mess but I have seen couples come out of what they saw as hopeless situations and create the marriage they dreamed of. Don't give up. You can do it, too!
So I have some questions for you, if you don't mind.
1. Where did you study Marriage 101?
2. How did you do on the final?
3. Was it relevant to what you have found in your own marriage?
Oh, you mean you never took a course in marriage? I see. You thought your passion and mutual love would guide you through any conceivable rough spots? You felt your communication skills are fine? You think you understand your partner but they are not loving and considerate? You think you can do much better once you're free from this current "mistake"? Welcome to the club of pain and suffering!
It isn't your Fault your Marriage is Bad; It can be Saved and Transformed into a Great Marriage
It isn't your partner's fault either! Our society is so far behind in the areas of "people" study and relationships that there is a mountain of stupid stuff you just have to pretend isn't there if you want to have a successful marriage; and it isn't too late to save this one either!
As in anything else that you want to be a success at, the first step is to learn the guiding principles and the second step is to learn the rules; those do's and don'ts that work with the guiding principles.
If you want to be a mountain climber you need to learn the principles of climbing, gravity, weather and so forth.
If you want to be a sailor you need to learn the principles of sailing, winds, buoyancy and so forth.
If you want to be successful in marriage you need to learn the principles of marriage's purposes, human interactions, gender drives and so forth.
In 99% of the bad marriages I worked with, the marriages went from bad to excellent in hours. All it took was for the couple to learn the principles and corresponding rules. I will admit that I didn't work with people who were physically abusive or psychologically damaged due to years of drug or alcohol abuse. But those situations are rare despite what the media's focus may get us to think.
My work with couples led to publication of Lessons For A Happy Marriage where virtually every important question about turning a bad marriage into a great one is answered. Because I am a mediator I was also able to answer some divorce questions. But because of the success people had it was mostly just to satisfy their curiosity (most people can't believe the extent of the horrors till they go through a divorce themselves).
I would like to ask you a few questions I asked those who came to see me.
1. Is your spouse evil or just angry?
2. Would you like to leave the past behind and start with a clean slate and the required knowledge?
3. Would you like to be loved and nurtured?
4. Would you risk a few dollars and a few hours to try something that works?
5. Don't you think your spouse is in the same pickle you are?
I know it's hard to see your way out of this mess but I have seen couples come out of what they saw as hopeless situations and create the marriage they dreamed of. Don't give up. You can do it, too!
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