It is not that you are responsible for your partner's self esteem, but it is that the things you say and do can either contribute to building or tearing down your partner's self esteem.
The benefits to building rather than destroying self esteem are a happier, longer lasting relationship.
Ultimately we are each responsible for our own opinion of our self.
For the most part building self esteem is an inside job.
However there are things that we can do to help our partner: Acceptance Accepting your partner as he or she is will go a long way to building their self esteem.
Acceptance means that you value their opinions on par with your own.
It is important to recognize that your partner not necessarily wrong or stupid simply because they do not agree with you.
Try using curiosity rather than condemnation when considering your partner point of view.
Often there are many possible right ways to approach anything.
Ask yourself: "Do the things I say and do indicate to my partner that I think that they are wonderful just as they are? Or "Am I giving my partner messages that indicate that they are defective in some way? Acceptance means that you recognize that you do not have to sit in judgment on your partner; that it is not up to you to decide if they are right or wrong or good or bad.
You choose to accept them as they are.
Accepting your partner does not mean that you are not allowed to request help from them or healthy improvements.
There is a difference between requesting and judging.
It means that you see them as a competent individual, whose thoughts and opinions are as valuable as your own.
Acceptance will help your partner feel valued and respected and may help boost their opinion of themselves.
Love Unconditionally Too often couples in relationships place conditions on their love.
If you meet my expectations then I will act lovingly toward you.
If you disappoint or hurt me, I will withhold my love.
Some people consider that their partner does not deserve to be treated lovingly if their partner has done something bad or wrong.
They feel it is necessary to withhold love until they feel more loving toward their partner.
When we love our partner in this way, we are giving them the message that they are only lovable if they please us.
Mature love recognizes that our love for our partner is not dependent on what they do for us and we can choose to behave lovingly even when we do not feel particularly loving.
Avoid Sarcasm Sarcasm is pervasive in our culture; TV programs are laced with sarcasm.
It is helpful to remember that sarcasm involves sharp and often cutting comments.
Often people will use I was just teasing as an excuse for being disrespectful or mean.
When you use sarcasm the message that your partner gets is you are so stupid you cannot see the obvious.
Whenever you speak to your partner you should always be respectful.
Even when you are angry or frustrated respect is always essential.
Choosing to behave in ways that builds your partner's self esteem also has the added bonus of increasing your own opinion of yourself.