Telling your children about your decision to separate or divorce is important.
But, even more importantly, have you told your spouse yet? This question is not as silly as you might think.
I've heard from many people over the years who had already decided to move out of the house or file for divorce, but had not said one word about that decision to their spouse.
For the most part, people stay silent because they just don't want to have the uncomfortable conversation that they know lies ahead.
Consciously or unconsciously, they might be trying to avoid the other person's anger or hurt.
By keeping your spouse in the dark about your decision, you're just delaying the inevitable.
You won't avoid an uncomfortable conversation, and you won't avoid your spouse's anger or hurt.
Actually, the conversation will likely be more uncomfortable the longer you wait.
If you have been waiting to tell your spouse, be as sensitive as you can when you finally do.
After all, you may have been thinking about this for awhile already, maybe even for months.
You might have been gathering information, preparing yourself and making plans.
Your spouse, on the other hand, will just be starting to deal with this life-changing news.
Give him or her some time.
Don't jump into discussions about property, support, and children.
Just as it took you time to make peace with your decision to separate or divorce, it will take your spouse time to adjust to the idea and be able to sort through overwhelming emotions before talking about settlement.
Talking to your spouse early about the possibility of separation or divorce can help you to stay out of court and reach agreements on your own or through mediation.
© 2008, Mary Wollard, J.
D.
, Family Solutions Center, LLC