Noticing a Change in a Parent's Mood It is often the adult children that begin to notice their mom, dad, or relative experiencing depression, agitation, anxiety, or a notable change in mood.
These changes are often set in motion by the death of a spouse or family member, financial worries, changes in health and mobility, or early dementia.
Once the topic is addressed for example, "Mom, I think you could use some counseling", the screeches of the brakes are nearly audible as the senior adamantly denies a problem or thinks you're way off base in your assessment.
Your senior's reaction is understandable.
The current senior /elder population is a generation that was taught to "pull up their bootstraps" when life got tough.
As a result, it is quite normal for today's senior to attempt to solve a mood disorder on their own.
This may be an acceptable plan of action for those experiencing situational depression, have strong family support, a close network of friends, and an open dialogue with their physician, pastor, or hospice group.
However, for those whose change in mood lingers or is more severe, family members may need to advocate for them.
How to Help Your Senior to Accept Help This "pull up your bootstraps" generation is not necessarily eager to accept or acknowledge a need for help especially when the words "mental health" are used.
Mental health in their generational lingo can also mean "crazy", therefore it makes sense that a senior who may already be feeling vulnerable would not want to be seen or labeled as needing care for their mental health.
How does one help their senior accept help? 1.
Rephrase your terminology.
Rather than using the term "mental health", try using words that speak to the situation, for example: "Mom, let's get some help with Dad's death", "let's figure out how you can feel better" or, "I think we could both use some emotional support", "I feel the need to see a counselor, why don't you come with me".
2.
Help Your Senior Navigate the System Giving your senior the phone number of a counseling clinic is most likely going to go nowhere.
Help your senior navigate the system.
Call their physician or local counseling services to better understand what services are available.
Find out what Medicare and their supplemental insurance will cover.
If you can find a service that provides counseling at-home you might consider that option so your senior does not have to drive or is not embarrassed walking into a mental health clinic.
3.
Help Your Senior by Being There Whether a counselor provides in-home service or the counseling appointment is at a clinic consider, if possible, going with your senior or meeting them there.
You might even ask your senior if they would like for you to attend the first meeting to help ease tension and you may be able to provide the counselor with your observations if asked.
4.
What if One, Two, and Three Don't Work.
If your senior adamantly refuses any help with their mood there are options.
If possible, consider spending a bit more time with your senior or, if you are out of the area, consider asking one of their friends to check-in with them weekly.
Help your senior make new friends by introducing them to their local senior center and ask for help from the staff on ideas to engage your senior.
If your senior is in a retirement community personally call the social worker and or activities director* and ask them to work with your parent to engage them.
*NOTE: It should be noted that engaging a senior in activities is not going to fix a mood disorder but may be helpful for isolation and loneliness.
A change in mood needs to be addressed at the heart of the issue, attending bingo and card games is not going to fix significant changes in mood.
Consider speaking to your senior's physician if you have permission to do so.
You can share your observations and he or she can bring up the question of mood at your senior's next appointment and most likely conduct an initial assessment.
5.
When All Else Fails I am a strong proponent of exercise and sunshine to improve mood.
Help or encourage your senior to get outside (in appropriate weather of course) to enjoy some sunshine (Vitamin D).
Remember the sunshine has to actually touch the skin for absorption, if your senior is covered head to toe, there will be little to no absorption, 10 to 20 minutes should be sufficient (check with one's physician if there are concerns such as length of time, history of skin cancer or skin disorders).
Encourage your senior to safely exercise daily for example: walks, strolls, Wii bowling, or chair exercises.
Consider joining them for a walk or stroll.
If you live out of the area, check to see if the local senior center has a senior-appropriate exercise program.
If you think your senior would be open to it, consider sending your senior articles or books with a positive or educational (self-help) theme.
Books from authors of their generation are especially helpful for example Mike Wallace's book on how he overcame depression.
Bottom-line, you know your senior best and should keep this in mind when advocating mental health services for them.
Finally, always seek professional help should you suspect a person is suicidal or has a plan to inflict harm on themselves or another.
http://www.
suicidepreventionlifeline.
org/ 1-800-273-TALK(8255)