Why You Need Alone Time in a Marriage and How to Get It
The bonds of marriage shouldn't be like a noose around your neck or chains that keep you stagnating in a non-changing state in your lives. Rather, the ties that keep you together should be elastic, allowing you to go your separate ways when you need to but without breaking so that you can go back to each other's side. If you want to learn how to save your marriage, you need to learn when it's right to be part of "together" and when you need to be "alone".
The Benefits of Alone Time
Having some ‘alone time' to yourself isn't bad; it's actually essential if you want to have a happy and healthy relationship with your spouse. Men seem to be born knowing this but for one reason or another, most women consider this concept evil. Being married doesn't mean you have to be with each other at every second of the day. Sooner or later, that's just going to backfire on you and could even cost you your marriage.
Appreciate Your Partner More
When you spend time away from your spouse, you'll have more opportunities to appreciate the little things that your partner does for you and you may have taken for granted. When you go out for a meal, you usually have your spouse cutting your steak for you without having to say it. But now that you're out with your friend, you realize that only your spouse would do something like that for you and it's small things like that you'll miss.
Conversely, spending time apart occasionally will prevent you from getting on each other's nerves. It's practically inevitable when you live under one roof and you spend too much time together. Even if you've loved each other since your diaper days, there will still be times you'd feel like nitpicking every single little thing your partner said or did. But those kind of urges would happen less frequently if you arrange for some alone time for both of you.
Grow and Evolve
Alone time prevents you from being completely dependent on your spouse. While it's true that no man is an island, that doesn't mean you should fully rely on someone else and become completely helpless.
A person should not lose his or her identity in marriage. If anything, marriage should give a person a new dimension. Marriage should make you more mature, interesting, and stronger. You should still be able to do the things you could do on your own even when you're married. It could be something as simple as watching your favorite movie alone to something life-changing as deciding whether or not you should switch careers.
What marriage can contribute is the knowledge that you have someone who will be behind you all the way. Marriage gives you the security of knowing that your spouse is someone you can absolutely trust to want what's best for you.
More Excitement
A little dose of excitement here and there never hurts. When you never leave each other's side then there's practically nothing you could be surprised about. But when you spend even just one day a week apart, even if it's just for an hour so, then you get to miss your partner and you get to be excited about the things you got to experience and would like to share with your spouse.
Reflect Effectively
Alone time is also a good idea when you and your spouse are going through some rough patches in your marriage. You want some time to think clearly about what's happening but how can you do that when the very person you're confused about is right beside you?
When you don't have to worry about what your spouse would think or feel, that's the time when you'll be able to be completely honest in your thoughts and emotions.
How to Get Alone Time
Another common misassumption of most couples about alone time is that it requires one or the other to go far, far away and lead a single, carefree life. Alone time doesn't have to take place at the opposite end of the world. It doesn't even have to be more than a day long. And certainly, it doesn't have to be anything that would pose a threat to your marriage. After all, alone time is meant to save your marriage and not destroy it!
Volunteer
Everyone has a favorite charity and volunteering is a perfect way to enjoy some alone time. Helping and serving others have a way of making people appreciate their lives more and be less inclined to complain about what they don't have.
Volunteering, however, doesn't necessarily have to do with the poor, sick, and the needy. You can also volunteer as a weekend storyteller in your local library or coach the junior softball team. Look around you. There are sure to be a lot of openings for those willing to help.
Find a Hobby
It can be anything under the sun. Indulging in your favorite time is a great stress reliever and can put you in a better frame of mind when you have a couple of things to iron out in our marriage. Hobbies take the edge off your anger and make you more receptive to compromises.
Go Shopping Alone
This is mostly for women but some men are lucky enough to experience and appreciate the beauty of shopping. It never hurts to splurge once in a while. Consider it as a reward for being a good spouse and parent.
Play Sports
This, on the other hand, is advice best appreciated by men although athletic females could benefit from this, too. Sports to men are what shopping is to women. It has this wonderful ability to make you forget all your worries and feel at peace with everyone.
Pamper Yourself
For women, you can schedule an appointment with your stylist and have your hair colored, your nails done, or get a facial. For men, book an appointment with your favorite shiatsu massage therapist. Pamper yourself and when you come back home, you'll feel thoroughly refreshed and more inclined to be affectionate or forgiving – whichever's applicable – toward your spouse.
The Benefits of Alone Time
Having some ‘alone time' to yourself isn't bad; it's actually essential if you want to have a happy and healthy relationship with your spouse. Men seem to be born knowing this but for one reason or another, most women consider this concept evil. Being married doesn't mean you have to be with each other at every second of the day. Sooner or later, that's just going to backfire on you and could even cost you your marriage.
Appreciate Your Partner More
When you spend time away from your spouse, you'll have more opportunities to appreciate the little things that your partner does for you and you may have taken for granted. When you go out for a meal, you usually have your spouse cutting your steak for you without having to say it. But now that you're out with your friend, you realize that only your spouse would do something like that for you and it's small things like that you'll miss.
Conversely, spending time apart occasionally will prevent you from getting on each other's nerves. It's practically inevitable when you live under one roof and you spend too much time together. Even if you've loved each other since your diaper days, there will still be times you'd feel like nitpicking every single little thing your partner said or did. But those kind of urges would happen less frequently if you arrange for some alone time for both of you.
Grow and Evolve
Alone time prevents you from being completely dependent on your spouse. While it's true that no man is an island, that doesn't mean you should fully rely on someone else and become completely helpless.
A person should not lose his or her identity in marriage. If anything, marriage should give a person a new dimension. Marriage should make you more mature, interesting, and stronger. You should still be able to do the things you could do on your own even when you're married. It could be something as simple as watching your favorite movie alone to something life-changing as deciding whether or not you should switch careers.
What marriage can contribute is the knowledge that you have someone who will be behind you all the way. Marriage gives you the security of knowing that your spouse is someone you can absolutely trust to want what's best for you.
More Excitement
A little dose of excitement here and there never hurts. When you never leave each other's side then there's practically nothing you could be surprised about. But when you spend even just one day a week apart, even if it's just for an hour so, then you get to miss your partner and you get to be excited about the things you got to experience and would like to share with your spouse.
Reflect Effectively
Alone time is also a good idea when you and your spouse are going through some rough patches in your marriage. You want some time to think clearly about what's happening but how can you do that when the very person you're confused about is right beside you?
When you don't have to worry about what your spouse would think or feel, that's the time when you'll be able to be completely honest in your thoughts and emotions.
How to Get Alone Time
Another common misassumption of most couples about alone time is that it requires one or the other to go far, far away and lead a single, carefree life. Alone time doesn't have to take place at the opposite end of the world. It doesn't even have to be more than a day long. And certainly, it doesn't have to be anything that would pose a threat to your marriage. After all, alone time is meant to save your marriage and not destroy it!
Volunteer
Everyone has a favorite charity and volunteering is a perfect way to enjoy some alone time. Helping and serving others have a way of making people appreciate their lives more and be less inclined to complain about what they don't have.
Volunteering, however, doesn't necessarily have to do with the poor, sick, and the needy. You can also volunteer as a weekend storyteller in your local library or coach the junior softball team. Look around you. There are sure to be a lot of openings for those willing to help.
Find a Hobby
It can be anything under the sun. Indulging in your favorite time is a great stress reliever and can put you in a better frame of mind when you have a couple of things to iron out in our marriage. Hobbies take the edge off your anger and make you more receptive to compromises.
Go Shopping Alone
This is mostly for women but some men are lucky enough to experience and appreciate the beauty of shopping. It never hurts to splurge once in a while. Consider it as a reward for being a good spouse and parent.
Play Sports
This, on the other hand, is advice best appreciated by men although athletic females could benefit from this, too. Sports to men are what shopping is to women. It has this wonderful ability to make you forget all your worries and feel at peace with everyone.
Pamper Yourself
For women, you can schedule an appointment with your stylist and have your hair colored, your nails done, or get a facial. For men, book an appointment with your favorite shiatsu massage therapist. Pamper yourself and when you come back home, you'll feel thoroughly refreshed and more inclined to be affectionate or forgiving – whichever's applicable – toward your spouse.
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