To this very day, I give God thanks for fences. When I was around thirteen years old, I can recall leaving Charles Hadley Park in the Liberty City section of Miami, Florida after playing some pickup football with friends. We walked the two miles from our neighborhood to the park and played until our bones ached and we made the long walk back home.

We passed the hodge podge of single family homes, duplexes and apartment complexes that made up my community quickly navigating the terrain of alleys, sidewalks and other varied shortcuts. We did so oblivious of any impending danger or fear. This particular Saturday afternoon "Chippy" came barking out of nowhere.

Chippy was a local mutt that routinely patrolled the neighborhood, occasionally barking at us but prior to today, never much more than that. On this day in particular he seemed a bit more aggressive than normal. He seemed, well …Chippy.   

From the moment he charged us I knew right away that the slowest man would receive bite marks for his troubles which provided me with all of the motivation I needed to follow Forrest Gump's advice and run. As I sprinted down the sidewalk wouldn't you know it, Chippy had decided to follow only me. Just ahead of me was my neighbor's yard which was surrounded by a chain link fence. With all of the athletic ability within me and with an angry dog on my heels, I leapt over that fence and tumbled to the grass. Winded from the chase I looked into the very angry face of Chippy, barking and clawing at the gate that he could not get through.

That experience was one of the very first that taught me the importance of boundaries and how they can insulate us from dangers seen and unseen. I believe that the written and unwritten boundaries help to sculpt the relationship between a minister and a congregant and are more important than some may realize. If we are not careful, we may transgress boundaries that can lead to heartache and spiritual distress. Here are 4 signs that you may have crossed boundaries that may have nudged your relationship with your minister into unchartered and questionable waters.           

1.     Your Interaction Becomes Social. First understand that the minister in our local church was not called to merely fill a friendship void in our lives. The fact is that their role when properly applied is to provide wise counsel, Biblical instruction, occasional confirmation concerning life altering events and consolation during the difficult and grief laden moments that enter our lives.

When the relationship's focus turns primarily social, lines can become blurred and boundaries of appropriateness are often crossed. The very nature of friendships implies that I can let my guard down with you. When you complicate this openness with the intrinsic and trusting nature of our faith it becomes very easy for others to take advantage of our unresolved issues including: emotional insecurity, unrest and loneliness.      

2.     Your Conversation Becomes Secretive. Whenever my mother would set out a freshly baked chocolate cake on the counter to cool that was always a risky proposition. She would return only to find that the cake had been cut and crumbs were now littering the area just around the cake dish. As she interrogated us about the cake crime, she sternly reminded us "Oh what a tangled web we weave when we practice to deceive."

The paths that wayward relationships travel are always littered with deceptive and secretive conversation. If the truth be told the late night conversations, text messages, emails, pokes, and Facebook messages are in large part an effort to keep in touch with one another without the nuisance of prying eyes. Because our churches are full of prying eyes the inappropriate liaison often requires the lighter fluid of secret, casual and sometimes flirtatious conversation to remain lit. While there are always exceptions to rule, the purpose and intent of secret conversation will more often than not be to facilitate even deeper secrets.     

3.     Your Feelings Become Sensual. While this sign may seem self-explanatory, the journey to this dangerous place can irreparably alter personal lives, testimonies and ministries forever. Sensuality is not sex but instead it can be the precursor to intimacy.

When ministry relationships turn purely social and secret conversation/interactions are thrown into the mix, sensuality will all but certainly rear its ugly head. It can't help but to do just that. When two people spend an inordinate amount of time together with no established fences or boundaries, the potential for inappropriateness increases.

Now this is where denial kicks in. You are probably thinking to yourself – "This could never happen to me….I have it all under control." This my friends is where the enemy manipulates the stronghold of ignorance and secures just enough wiggle room to do serious damage. As much as we would like to think that we have full and complete control over our emotions and relational tendencies, we really don't. Mutual magnetism is often stimulated by physical attraction but it is always fueled by humorous, interesting and compassionate conversation.  

4.     Your Walk With God Becomes Secondary. When you reduce the Christian's relationship with God to its core everything hinges on assessing and acting upon our established faith priorities. When questionable ministry relationships consume our time, energy and efforts, they can become our priority and everything else including God then becomes secondary.

In a perfect world, the minister/congregant relationship should be one of edification and mutual respect. When it strays from this both divine and healthy design no lasting good can come from it. When was the last time you did a relationship check whether you are minister or congregant? Have either you or your minister crossed boundaries that should have not been transgressed? Know your relationships!