Divorce: When Should My Kids Meet My New Squeeze?
A friend of mine stopped dating a man because he refused to introduce her to his two year old child.
He had visitation every other weekend, and she could count on him not being available from Friday to Sunday when he was spending time with his little girl.
After she had been dating him for a year, she felt it was time she and his daughter met.
My friend may have had a just concern.
It would seem that keeping her from interacting with his child was an indication that the man didn't see her as having a future part in the little girl's life.
However, for the child's sake, his caution may have been justified.
When people get divorced, their emotions are often so raw that they can't be objective about the choices they make.
They may mistake comfort for love, and put much more energy into a relationship they are trying to develop than is warranted by that person's actual compatibility.
The real problem occurs when they find that relationship number 1 has died, and they go on to experiment with 2, 3 and 4.
It is good to take your time recommitting to a relationship you hope will end up being permanent.
You don't want to get involved with a new person too quickly.
The only way you will avoid making the same mistakes that led to your divorce is to give yourself enough experience with different people to know what qualities will enhance your life and which ones won't.
Obviously, if it isn't a good idea to put all of your emotional eggs in a stranger's basket, it Is even less intelligent to take the risk that your kid's emotional eggs might get scrambled.
Kids love stability.
Every time you introduce them to someone new, they give that person a permanent place in their lives.
They assume that someone who is with you on any kind of intimate footing is there to stay.
When your adult concerns make you move on, your kids don't understand how you could remove someone from their lives for, what seems to them, no good reason.
The best thing you can do is wait to introduce your kids to someone new until your relationship with that person is on a solid footing.
Your kids should know she exists before you walk down the aisle with her.
However, they don't need to meet until your feelings for your new lover are at least strong enough to give some hope that you are considering that person in terms of the future.
He had visitation every other weekend, and she could count on him not being available from Friday to Sunday when he was spending time with his little girl.
After she had been dating him for a year, she felt it was time she and his daughter met.
My friend may have had a just concern.
It would seem that keeping her from interacting with his child was an indication that the man didn't see her as having a future part in the little girl's life.
However, for the child's sake, his caution may have been justified.
When people get divorced, their emotions are often so raw that they can't be objective about the choices they make.
They may mistake comfort for love, and put much more energy into a relationship they are trying to develop than is warranted by that person's actual compatibility.
The real problem occurs when they find that relationship number 1 has died, and they go on to experiment with 2, 3 and 4.
It is good to take your time recommitting to a relationship you hope will end up being permanent.
You don't want to get involved with a new person too quickly.
The only way you will avoid making the same mistakes that led to your divorce is to give yourself enough experience with different people to know what qualities will enhance your life and which ones won't.
Obviously, if it isn't a good idea to put all of your emotional eggs in a stranger's basket, it Is even less intelligent to take the risk that your kid's emotional eggs might get scrambled.
Kids love stability.
Every time you introduce them to someone new, they give that person a permanent place in their lives.
They assume that someone who is with you on any kind of intimate footing is there to stay.
When your adult concerns make you move on, your kids don't understand how you could remove someone from their lives for, what seems to them, no good reason.
The best thing you can do is wait to introduce your kids to someone new until your relationship with that person is on a solid footing.
Your kids should know she exists before you walk down the aisle with her.
However, they don't need to meet until your feelings for your new lover are at least strong enough to give some hope that you are considering that person in terms of the future.
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