My husband and I have been married for over twelve years now. We've been through a great deal since we got married, both personally and as a couple. We've had deaths and serious illness in the family, financial stress, we now have a child, and we started our own business together from scratch.

From the beginning of our marriage, we realized that there is much more that holds together a marriage than love. Love is wonderful, but without some basic skills, it is simply not enough.

Fortunately, we found some wonderful teachers along the way. They taught us invaluable things about building a great marriage and handling marital problems. With these tools, I know that we would not be the happy couple with a powerful partnership that we are today.

Here are three key things that we use consistently to handle problems when they arise and to keep our marriage strong.

Key to Handling Marital Problems #1: Get Some Distance from A Major Problem – This is vital. When we've got a bee in our bonnets about an issue, we're irrational, negative, and destructive. It is so incredibly easy to get down upon one's spouse. Having opened up a medical clinic with my husband, I understand what it is like to struggle to produce results when having to work with a spouse.

However, from this experience, I learned a great deal. There were times when I was frustrated, angry, and nervous about things at the office. The easiest thing to do during those times was to distract myself from my troubles by focusing upon something that my husband did, or did not do, that was upsetting. Then, I'd spend a lot of time thinking about it. It was a great technique for not focusing on what was really bothering me, but it wasn't at all healthy. It hurt our relationship and it allowed me to ignore what the problem really was.

Now, if my husband or I find ourselves complaining about one another, we take that as a clue to stop and look elsewhere. Usually, we'll find some other problem that we are really upset about. When we take concerted and concentrated action in that area, the problem with our spouse that seemed so pressing just hours before, melts away.

The worst thing that we can do is focus upon some trait or fault in our spouse. Face it, we're all egotistical, selfish, callous, and arrogant to a certain degree. That's just part of being human. The important thing is to bring out the best in one another. We can do that by concentrating on the real problem rather than aiming our emotions at our spouse.

Key to Handling Marital Problems #2: Get Professional Help – A great marriage counselor or a book on marriage that you both like can do wonders to help heal a marriage. If you decide to get a marriage counselor, don't settle for just anyone. Pick someone that you both respect and trust. Also, if the counselor chooses sides, as you may want him or her to do, run, don't walk, to the nearest exit. You don't need any help blaming each other. You can do that on your own, for free. Choose someone who will help you come together and understand one another more.

Key to Handling Marital Problems #3: Stop Blaming Things on Your Marriage – This is a great piece of advice. One of the people that we learned the most from about marriage told us not to rely on our marriage for our happiness. Marriages can not give people happiness. That's too much to demand from a marriage.

Instead, each spouse can take on being responsible for his or her own happiness. This is a really powerful tool. Too often, marriages can get blamed for a person's unhappiness, frustration, and the inability to move forward. All of those things can be erased by taking on one's own life.

The best thing to do for this is to ask yourself, "What can I do to make my life better?" Once you're used to thinking this way, ask, "How can I add to the quality of my marriage?"

Make your marriage happy. Don't expect it to make you happy.

Good luck!