I often get correspondence from wives who tell me that their husband is no longer affectionate and loving.
Sometimes, this is only a recent event.
But other times, it's been going on for a while.
Very often, the wife tries to ignore this at first, telling herself that her husband is just under some stress right now and that things will get back to normal when things calm down a little.
But this doesn't always happen.
Sometimes, the lack of affection seems like it's here to stay.
It eventually becomes a habit that is quite commonplace.
And, eventually, the wife sometimes decides that she just doesn't want to live this way.
She knows that one of the reasons that she got married was to feel love, affection and appreciation from her husband.
Many wives suspect that if they can figure out why he's no longer affectionate, they can begin to address the problem in the hopes of eventually fixing it.
So, in the following article, I'll list the most common reasons that I see for a husband's lack of affection.
Your Husband Might Not Be Affectionate Right Now Because Something Is Deeply Bothering Him: Often, a man will withdraw his affections when something is going on in his life which he feels is disappointing or lacking in some way.
These stressors aren't always about your marriage.
Sometimes, they are his job or his lot in life or even his extended family.
Or it could even be the everyday obligations that just wear him down.
Still, a husband who is connected to his wife should just want to be affectionate as an unconscious extension of the way that he's feeling inside.
If he's not doing this, then he's disconnected from his emotions, usually for some concrete reason which may or may not be apparent.
He may or may not share this with you.
But generally, something has disappointed him or some expectation has not been met.
Perhaps he's disappointed with his life in general or maybe he's not liking the way that the marriage is going.
Sometimes, as a result, rather than expressing his feeling or telling you what's going on, he simply withdraws and retreats.
This is where the lack of affection comes from.
Whether it's a conscious reaction or not, he's distancing himself from whatever it is that he feels is lacking.
Please don't misunderstand and think that I'm insinuating that his lack of affection is a valid behavior.
I'm not and I don't.
I'm just trying to explain what I've seen to be true.
Men are not as likely as women to discuss what's bothering them.
They'll often withdraw instead, even if this isn't the best thing to do.
Your Marriage Culture Might Have Staled.
You May Now Be In The Habit Of Merely Coexisting: Sometimes, you have a husband who used to be very demonstrative and affectionate in the past, but this is no longer true today.
Somewhere along the line, the passion cooled and the two of you turned your attention to life obligations and day to day responsibilities.
This is normal and happens in most marriages.
However, some can handle these turbulent waters better than others.
Sometimes, this shift in priorities contributes also to a shift in feelings.
Things begin to feel sort of stale and routine.
Often times, when this shift happens, people sort of shrug their shoulders and theorize that you can't be obsessed with one another forever.
So, no one really fights this process.
And this "cooling off" in your marriage sort of becomes part of your culture.
But, it's likely that you both miss it, even if this is conscious or not.
It's important that you don't just let this take it's course, even if you think that you're both comfortable.
Why? Because this leaves your marriage very vulnerable to any number of things that could seriously damage it.
I often hear from people who tell me that this lack of affection and connection contributed to infidelity and separations.
This is just not something that you want to ignore.
And the more of a habit this becomes, the harder it is going to be to change this habit.
Fixing Things When Your Husband Is Not Affectionate: The worst thing that you can do right now is to ignore the problem.
Don't pretend like nothing is wrong when you know that it absolutely is.
You are much better off taking direct and swift action.
If you've not yet addressed this with your husband, there is nothing wrong with telling him that you miss the intimate gestures, the hand holding, the hugs, and the feeling of connection.
Stress that you need this to feel loved and secure.
Sometimes, you will bring this up and your husband will tell you that this is all in your head.
He may even become irritated and frustrated.
In this instance, you probably should not continue to harp on this when all it gets you are negative reactions.
Instead, you act "as if.
" What I mean by this is that every time he does even a little bit better on the affection front, you lay on the positive reinforcement quite quickly and act "as if" you already have what you want.
You praise him, tell him how good this made you feel, and then give him more of what he wants as an exchange.
This allows him to see that his small efforts are hugely worth his while and he will likely continue so that you are both getting what you want.
Sometimes, you will have to demonstrate the type of behavior that you want by treating him how you want to be treated.
Once he sees the positive pay off from this, he will likely follow suit.
The whole idea is to focus on the positive - not the negative - and to make him want to do better because he knows that it will make you both happier.