Tween Temperament - My Ten Year Old Daughter Always Feels Left Out
"My tween baby always feels left out.
The way she tries to belong in the "in" group is pathetic.
It makes me feel like screaming.
Sometimes I just cry"- my cousin complains.
Sabina, her ten year old child needs to wear the same brand of jacket, find the exact black shade of nail polish that the popular girl wears.
It is very important to her what other people, especially her peers are thinking about her.
Rohit, her eight year old brother, the other day asked me - "Is he a good guy or the bad one?" as we were watching a show together.
I asked him -"Can't he be a mix of some good and some bad?" He looked at me as if I came from the world of E.
T.
Kids, in their tween years (8-12years of age), the age between early childhood and puberty are in the concrete stage.
The world is either black or white.
Nothing in between can exist.
Either it must be day or night.
There is no twilight zone in the tween time stage in life.
They have graduated from the egocentric period, which is apparent in their four year old sister, Sasha.
Sasha, independently dressed with one blue sock on one feet and a pink one on the other, with five Hello Kitty clips on her uncombed hair can proudly play with a bunch of preschoolers in the sand box.
No one seems to bother or criticize her.
But her tween siblings are different.
They are very conscious of what other people think and feel or judge.
They can be painfully critical on themselves too.
"What can I do?" - begs my cousin.
Well, the stage will pass and the crisis will fade with time.
In the mean time research in child psychology indicates that the following guidance may help.
Do things together: Cooking, gardening, fixing things together give a chance to work with the hands and open up discussions about the abstract world.
Listen to them and observe.
That may bring both of you closer.
Then only she'll listen to you.
Expose to extra curricular activity: Games and sports that involve team playing, dancing, playing an instrument, any thing that the child finds interesting may open up another dimension of the world- the abstract aspect through concrete experience.
Involve in voluntary activities: Girl's scout, Big -Brothers, Soup Kitchen, Bake sales, all these may take the focus away from being too self critical and superficial.
It may make your child feel good inside.
It may expose her to other groups of young and old people and to a larger world.
Sense of belonging is a natural innate need of every human being.
When your tween finds that there is a world out there that cares for her, her need to belong to the narrow "in" group will disappear.
The way she tries to belong in the "in" group is pathetic.
It makes me feel like screaming.
Sometimes I just cry"- my cousin complains.
Sabina, her ten year old child needs to wear the same brand of jacket, find the exact black shade of nail polish that the popular girl wears.
It is very important to her what other people, especially her peers are thinking about her.
Rohit, her eight year old brother, the other day asked me - "Is he a good guy or the bad one?" as we were watching a show together.
I asked him -"Can't he be a mix of some good and some bad?" He looked at me as if I came from the world of E.
T.
Kids, in their tween years (8-12years of age), the age between early childhood and puberty are in the concrete stage.
The world is either black or white.
Nothing in between can exist.
Either it must be day or night.
There is no twilight zone in the tween time stage in life.
They have graduated from the egocentric period, which is apparent in their four year old sister, Sasha.
Sasha, independently dressed with one blue sock on one feet and a pink one on the other, with five Hello Kitty clips on her uncombed hair can proudly play with a bunch of preschoolers in the sand box.
No one seems to bother or criticize her.
But her tween siblings are different.
They are very conscious of what other people think and feel or judge.
They can be painfully critical on themselves too.
"What can I do?" - begs my cousin.
Well, the stage will pass and the crisis will fade with time.
In the mean time research in child psychology indicates that the following guidance may help.
Do things together: Cooking, gardening, fixing things together give a chance to work with the hands and open up discussions about the abstract world.
Listen to them and observe.
That may bring both of you closer.
Then only she'll listen to you.
Expose to extra curricular activity: Games and sports that involve team playing, dancing, playing an instrument, any thing that the child finds interesting may open up another dimension of the world- the abstract aspect through concrete experience.
Involve in voluntary activities: Girl's scout, Big -Brothers, Soup Kitchen, Bake sales, all these may take the focus away from being too self critical and superficial.
It may make your child feel good inside.
It may expose her to other groups of young and old people and to a larger world.
Sense of belonging is a natural innate need of every human being.
When your tween finds that there is a world out there that cares for her, her need to belong to the narrow "in" group will disappear.
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