Question: What Are Your Emotional Needs?

Answer: Your make-up determines your emotional needs. It goes without saying that some folks are “needier” than others. The key to getting emotional needs met is the ability to identify your needs and figuring out how to get those needs met. Most of the time it is as simple as asking for what you need.

If you are someone who needs to feel accepted, admired, appreciated and fulfilled only you know what you need to do in life to have those needs met.

If your marriage played a large role in meeting your needs, it is up to you to find new ways outside your marriage, now that it has ended, to fulfill those emotional needs.

List of Emotional Needs:

• Accepted, acknowledged, admired, appreciated, approved of,
• Believed in,
• Capable, challenged, competent, confident forgiven,
• Forgiving, free, fulfilled,
• Heard, helped, helpful,
• Important, in control, included,
• Listened to, loved,
• Needed, noticed,
• Powerful, private, productive / useful,
• Reassured, recognized, respected,
• Safe / secure, supported,
• Treated fairly, trusted,
• Understanding, understood,
• Valued,
• Worthy

When going through the divorce process and rebuilding your life after divorce you will find you get your emotional needs met if you surround yourself with a good support system. Friends and family who acknowledge and honor what you are going through will be invaluable during this time of transition.

You have to be willing to ask for what you need also. We all want to feel independent, as if we can navigate our own problems without burdening others.

Such a belief system can lead to isolation and isolation DOES NOT lead to healing.

If it is nothing but a hug, give yourself permission to ask for a hug. When my ex first left the marriage I kept my needs close to the vest. I had two children and thought I had to appear strong and in control.

After church one Sunday we came home to find that our neighbor had mowed the grass for us. Shortly after that discovery I was in tears. His generous act had highlighted to me the things I had denied myself. I needed help and he took the time to show me I was worthy of helping.

You have the right to be treated fairly by your ex, feeling valued and empowered comes from giving yourself permission to ask for what you need from your ex, family and friends. No one can do it all and if your needs aren’t being met you will falter at anything you attempt to do.

For those who have no support from family and friends, it may be time to put thought and actions into surrounding yourself with people who are willing to go out of their way to offer you what you need. The loneliest place to be after divorce is, alone.

It isn't uncommon for friends and family to turn away from the stress and conflict you are experiencing due to divorce. Many aren't able to handle the exposure to someone else's problems. Many don't know how to genuinely offer support. If this is your situation find a lcoal divorce support group, join a church or look online for divorce forums and connect with people who are experiencing the same problems. 

So, take a few minutes, make a list of those needs important to you and make sure daily that they are being met by you and someone who cares about you.