Not Just a Bout of the Blues
When I hit puberty, my body betrayed me.
Before long I couldn't remember what it was like to feel healthy and normal.
By the age of 14, I'd developed a long list of confusing and troubling physical problems.
I was so exhausted I could hardly think or function.
My body ached with joint and muscle pain.
I had trouble concentrating and remembering little things.
By 8 p.
m.
, I would crawl into bed totally worn out from doing next to nothing.
Then I would spend the night fighting with insomnia.
It never occurred to anyone--not even my doctor--that I might be depressed.
Blood tests showed my immune system had dropped to dangerous levels.
Further inspection unearthed tender lymph nodes.
After several visits to the doctor, I was referred to a specialist who promptly diagnosed me with chronic fatigue syndrome.
Three years later I tried to kill myself.
My suicide attempt took everyone by surprise.
No one had realized that while doctors did all they could to cure my physical symptoms, I was slowly being buried in darkness inside.
Although I felt comfortable talking about my physical ailments, I never revealed what was happening inside of me.
Life had lost its meaning long before the physical problems emerged.
I felt like I had fallen into a deep black pit and couldn't see even a speck of light at the top.
I tried clawing my way out, only to wind up exhausted and hopeless.
Then other days, I would be giddy with happiness for no reason.
I assumed the bleakness of depression and all the emotional ups and downs I experienced were things all adolescents went through.
My experience with depression was certainly different than traditional adolescent angst and it's a real problem around the globe.
According to a 2001 study by the World Health Organization, mental illness--such as depression, bipolar disorder and schizophrenia--ranks first in causing disability in the Western world compared to other diseases such as cancer and heart disease.
In fact, mental illness accounts for 25 per cent of disability in the industrialized world.
Sadly, the prevalence of mental illnesses hasn't made it easier to get treatment.
My story of undiagnosed depression is all too common.
"Physicians can and do under-diagnose depression for many reasons, although most primary care doctors see a lot of depression in their practices," says Dr.
Marvin McDonald, a graduate professor in psychology at Trinity Western University in Langley.
Dr.
Paul T.
P.
Wong, president of a non-profit organization called the International Network on Personal Meaning, agrees depression often goes misdiagnosed.
He says this is because mental pain can sometimes show up as physical pain, either as a psychosomatic illness or as complaints of physical symptoms--especially in cultures where depression may be seen as a character defect.
This makes it difficult for both the patient and the family doctor to recognize the real problem.
"Most doctors are not very well trained in detecting mental illness.
They are trained to deal with physical illness or pain.
" McDonald notes patients and their families don't always recognize depression, either.
"It's hard to sort out by common sense the difference between 'being down' and being clinically depressed," McDonald explains.
"Being depressed in response to stresses in life is normal in some way, so when do we slip into something else? This is a grey area for each of us--not just for professionals.
" Some level of personal depression is normal in the course of daily life.
This type of depression can be triggered by loss, personal trauma or other negative life events.
Death, divorce, or losing a job can all bring on about of the blues.
"(Reactive) depression is natural.
It's part of the normal emotional reactions to bad things happening to you," Wong says.
A chemical imbalance causing clinical depression is something entirely different.
This occurs when an individual lacks a substance in their brain.
For them, the whole world can suddenly crumble.
Then, with equal spontaneity, it lifts and life returns to normal.
"If our depression or our 'down' time gets in the way of everyday life, if it keeps us from doing our work or gets in the way of everyday relationships, then we have crossed the line from everyday struggles to a mental health problem," McDonald says.
In my case, the depression was from a chemical imbalance, which must have developed during puberty.
Today, almost 10 years later, I still take medication to keep the black dog of depression at bay.
Although I have developed excellent coping skills over the years, I am often left exhausted from the effort.
I honestly couldn't imagine fighting this without medication.
Just one little pill each day enables me to enjoy life as an outgoing and happy person who connects with others easily.
Without this helpful aid, I turn into a surly recluse and become unwilling to leave my house, talk to other people or have fun doing activities I regularly enjoy.
I am astounded by how many depressed individuals refuse to take medication because they worry about what others will think.
But even without telling anyone, the list of people privy to your medical information is pretty long.
Your pharmacist, your healthcare provider, and even the human resources or the accounting department at your office all know what type of medicine you're taking and why.
Life insurance and other insurance providers also require this information.
I remember breaking out in a cold sweat when my insurance provider asked me about my prescriptions for my life insurance application.
I was so ashamed.
Perhaps one of the most difficult parts of struggling with a chemical imbalance is dealing with the stigma still attached to depression.
When friends learn that I take pills for depression, there's a brief instant between this discovery and their ability to mask their facial expression.
I see the shock, horror and pity appearing in their faces and feel completely and utterly ashamed of my weakness.
McDonald explains this is a common stigma.
"Depression is connected with weakness.
The paradox of trying to help people reduce blame for mental illness by emphasizing genetic sources is that, instead of blaming people for being weak in willpower, now people are perceived as genetically flawed and thus to be pitied, which is not better than being blamed," he says.
Fortunately, education is helping to dispel some myths surrounding depression.
Wong encourages depressed individuals not to be ashamed.
He says some very successful people suffer from depression, proving people can function very well while coping with this disease.
If you think you may be suffering from depression, see your family doctor and ask for a referral to a therapist.
In less serious cases a combination of medication and talk therapy does help.
If you know someone who is suffering, don't be dismissive or pretend it's not happening.
Reserve passing judgement and encourage them to seek help.
It's my hope that society will begin treating depression and other mental illnesses as they do physical illnesses.
If you break your leg, no one expects you to sit around and pretend it's not broken.
People suffering with cancer, AIDS and chronic illnesses are all free to seek treatment without judgement and yet many with depression and other mental illnesses hide in the dark, afraid to ask about a cure.
Isn't it time for this to change?
Before long I couldn't remember what it was like to feel healthy and normal.
By the age of 14, I'd developed a long list of confusing and troubling physical problems.
I was so exhausted I could hardly think or function.
My body ached with joint and muscle pain.
I had trouble concentrating and remembering little things.
By 8 p.
m.
, I would crawl into bed totally worn out from doing next to nothing.
Then I would spend the night fighting with insomnia.
It never occurred to anyone--not even my doctor--that I might be depressed.
Blood tests showed my immune system had dropped to dangerous levels.
Further inspection unearthed tender lymph nodes.
After several visits to the doctor, I was referred to a specialist who promptly diagnosed me with chronic fatigue syndrome.
Three years later I tried to kill myself.
My suicide attempt took everyone by surprise.
No one had realized that while doctors did all they could to cure my physical symptoms, I was slowly being buried in darkness inside.
Although I felt comfortable talking about my physical ailments, I never revealed what was happening inside of me.
Life had lost its meaning long before the physical problems emerged.
I felt like I had fallen into a deep black pit and couldn't see even a speck of light at the top.
I tried clawing my way out, only to wind up exhausted and hopeless.
Then other days, I would be giddy with happiness for no reason.
I assumed the bleakness of depression and all the emotional ups and downs I experienced were things all adolescents went through.
My experience with depression was certainly different than traditional adolescent angst and it's a real problem around the globe.
According to a 2001 study by the World Health Organization, mental illness--such as depression, bipolar disorder and schizophrenia--ranks first in causing disability in the Western world compared to other diseases such as cancer and heart disease.
In fact, mental illness accounts for 25 per cent of disability in the industrialized world.
Sadly, the prevalence of mental illnesses hasn't made it easier to get treatment.
My story of undiagnosed depression is all too common.
"Physicians can and do under-diagnose depression for many reasons, although most primary care doctors see a lot of depression in their practices," says Dr.
Marvin McDonald, a graduate professor in psychology at Trinity Western University in Langley.
Dr.
Paul T.
P.
Wong, president of a non-profit organization called the International Network on Personal Meaning, agrees depression often goes misdiagnosed.
He says this is because mental pain can sometimes show up as physical pain, either as a psychosomatic illness or as complaints of physical symptoms--especially in cultures where depression may be seen as a character defect.
This makes it difficult for both the patient and the family doctor to recognize the real problem.
"Most doctors are not very well trained in detecting mental illness.
They are trained to deal with physical illness or pain.
" McDonald notes patients and their families don't always recognize depression, either.
"It's hard to sort out by common sense the difference between 'being down' and being clinically depressed," McDonald explains.
"Being depressed in response to stresses in life is normal in some way, so when do we slip into something else? This is a grey area for each of us--not just for professionals.
" Some level of personal depression is normal in the course of daily life.
This type of depression can be triggered by loss, personal trauma or other negative life events.
Death, divorce, or losing a job can all bring on about of the blues.
"(Reactive) depression is natural.
It's part of the normal emotional reactions to bad things happening to you," Wong says.
A chemical imbalance causing clinical depression is something entirely different.
This occurs when an individual lacks a substance in their brain.
For them, the whole world can suddenly crumble.
Then, with equal spontaneity, it lifts and life returns to normal.
"If our depression or our 'down' time gets in the way of everyday life, if it keeps us from doing our work or gets in the way of everyday relationships, then we have crossed the line from everyday struggles to a mental health problem," McDonald says.
In my case, the depression was from a chemical imbalance, which must have developed during puberty.
Today, almost 10 years later, I still take medication to keep the black dog of depression at bay.
Although I have developed excellent coping skills over the years, I am often left exhausted from the effort.
I honestly couldn't imagine fighting this without medication.
Just one little pill each day enables me to enjoy life as an outgoing and happy person who connects with others easily.
Without this helpful aid, I turn into a surly recluse and become unwilling to leave my house, talk to other people or have fun doing activities I regularly enjoy.
I am astounded by how many depressed individuals refuse to take medication because they worry about what others will think.
But even without telling anyone, the list of people privy to your medical information is pretty long.
Your pharmacist, your healthcare provider, and even the human resources or the accounting department at your office all know what type of medicine you're taking and why.
Life insurance and other insurance providers also require this information.
I remember breaking out in a cold sweat when my insurance provider asked me about my prescriptions for my life insurance application.
I was so ashamed.
Perhaps one of the most difficult parts of struggling with a chemical imbalance is dealing with the stigma still attached to depression.
When friends learn that I take pills for depression, there's a brief instant between this discovery and their ability to mask their facial expression.
I see the shock, horror and pity appearing in their faces and feel completely and utterly ashamed of my weakness.
McDonald explains this is a common stigma.
"Depression is connected with weakness.
The paradox of trying to help people reduce blame for mental illness by emphasizing genetic sources is that, instead of blaming people for being weak in willpower, now people are perceived as genetically flawed and thus to be pitied, which is not better than being blamed," he says.
Fortunately, education is helping to dispel some myths surrounding depression.
Wong encourages depressed individuals not to be ashamed.
He says some very successful people suffer from depression, proving people can function very well while coping with this disease.
If you think you may be suffering from depression, see your family doctor and ask for a referral to a therapist.
In less serious cases a combination of medication and talk therapy does help.
If you know someone who is suffering, don't be dismissive or pretend it's not happening.
Reserve passing judgement and encourage them to seek help.
It's my hope that society will begin treating depression and other mental illnesses as they do physical illnesses.
If you break your leg, no one expects you to sit around and pretend it's not broken.
People suffering with cancer, AIDS and chronic illnesses are all free to seek treatment without judgement and yet many with depression and other mental illnesses hide in the dark, afraid to ask about a cure.
Isn't it time for this to change?
Source...