Updated June 08, 2015.
After we quit smoking, most of us go through a period of sadness and loss. It is a byproduct of nicotine addiction and will pass in time...as long as we don't smoke.
Day 13

Today was my long dreaded first day back at work from Christmas break. It has definitely been the most difficult day of my quit so far.

As I parked and got out of my car when I arrived at work, my favorite smoking buddy was standing by his car lighting his cigarette.

I pretended I didn't see him and started walking towards the entrance to the building, but he called out to me.

We walked to the building together and then I stood outside with him while he smoked. As he put his cigarette out he asked me if I had quit and I was proud to say, "yup, I quit!" I know from talking to him he wants to quit as all smokers do.

First thing in the morning, I was presented with a depressing level of mediocrity when a junior engineer came to me to ask me how to do some task which I had already done over the holidays while I was on vacation and it didn't need re-doing and his manager knew I had already done the job so why was he sending this guy off on a boondoggle? This irritated me and made me want to go complain to myself while smoking a cigarette (a favorite past time), but then I remembered, that I don't smoke anymore. I felt a little stuck and a little sad, but overall still very positive at that point, so I accepted the situation and realized it's not really my job to fix the world, and I pointed the junior engineer in a direction which he seemed to find helpful, and I moved on.

That's kind of how the whole day went except that with each passing moment, my resolve was weakening just a bit and I was feeling a little more sad about not being able to smoke. I did learn that I tend to get worked up about stuff I don't need to be worked up about and I left early.

I did some work from home this evening and when working from home I used to enjoy taking a break every 30 to 40 minutes for a smoke. And this evening, I was really missing the smoke breaks. I would pace, eat a cookie, walk into the den and turn on the TV then turn it off and go back to my computer. Ice water really seemed to be the best thing, though because when I snacked, I wanted the smoke even more after the snack than before.

Still, even with all the cravings today, it wasn't unbearable and I am really really happy I did not smoke a cigarette and that I will not smoke a cigarette ever again.

Most importantly though, I am grateful that I have people that I love in my life and people in this forum that I can share this experience with here who know what I am going through.

Thank you for reading,
David

Next: Two Weeks - David's Quit Journal