Pre-Wedding Etiquette

• It is up to the wedding couple whether children will be a part of the celebration. Invitations that include the children of the family will be addressed to "The [name] Family" or will specifically list the children's names. Invitations addressed to "Mr. & Mrs. [name]" or "[name] and Guest," do not include children. Some brides choose to personally call guests with children and clarify if the wedding will be for adults only so there is no misunderstanding. It is considered rude to put phrases such as "No Children" on an invitation.
  
  Never RSVP children who are not invited, and never bring children to a wedding unannounced.
  
  

Children in the Wedding Party

• Couples who choose to have children in their wedding party must understand that young children will probably not follow every instruction perfectly. Even well-mannered children can get distracted walking down the aisle, drop the pillow or get bored as soon as the ceremony starts. In some families, the unpredictability of its youngest members in the wedding party is an expected--and enjoyed--part of the experience. However, a couple is not obligated by etiquette to have children in the wedding party. In fact, if the couple doesn't want children included, it's more polite to simply have none than to choose a young flower girl and ring bearer and expect too much of them.
  
  

Children at the Ceremony

• Children who are used to sitting quietly during religious ceremonies will probably be fine during a wedding ceremony, but there is a reason many houses of worship offer a nursery or children's group during services--most young children will fuss and cause a distraction.
  
  As a parent, consider hiring a sitter to come along if you don't want to miss any of the ceremony. Otherwise you must remove any child yourself who is crying, whining or creating any other distraction immediately.
  
  As a bride who has invited children to the wedding, consider offering a nursery--at least for the smallest and most unpredictable guests.
  
  

Children at the Reception

• Children and wedding receptions can be an appropriate mix in some situations, such as with large families where children are more accustomed to attending such events. Any seating chart should take children into consideration and seat families with kids in the same area; singles and couples attending without kids should be seated in another area.
  
  Most caterers will offer a simple plate for kids, such as macaroni and cheese with fruit. Some couples offer special goodie bags for kids with activities such as coloring books or inexpensive games. If there is a DJ, allow one or two songs that allow kids to get up and dance. Couples don't have to cater their reception to children by any means, but if children are invited, their presence should be accommodated somewhat.
  
  Parents should not allow their children to run around at any wedding reception, and, as with the ceremony, should remove any child who causes a disturbance.
  
  

Etiquette of the Debate

• Whether or not children should be included in weddings has become a hot issue as more couples move away from traditional family weddings. It is improper to argue with a couple over their decision to include or not include children in their wedding--or to insist that your child be the exception. A wedding guest list--even if you find it unfair--is not up for debate.