In China, eating is a real family affair.
It's an age-old tradition wherein many highly regarded values and customs are integrated.
It's not only for the nourishment of the body, but the strengthening of family ties, as well.
It's a celebration of togetherness, as well as it is a genuine food indulgence.
So when your Chinese girlfriend's family invites you to sit down at their table, it's as good a sign as any that they are welcoming you into the fold! Don't cause them to question their judgment by not knowing how to behave "properly.
" One of the most important traditional concepts that is always recognized when a Chinese family sits down for a meal is that of filial piety.
As a sign of respect, elders have special seats at the table, usually those that are farthest from the entrance or facing outward or the spacious area of the room.
It's also common courtesy to wait until the elders and your hosts are seated before seating yourself.
When eating out, the person who pays the bill also has a special place on the table; so if your Chinese girlfriend's family gives you the chair whose back is directly in front of the door, get your wallet ready! Proper table manners are pretty much the same in China as it is in the west, except for a few practices.
Don't refuse any food offered to you.
If there are separate chopsticks or spoons provided for serving food, then use those to put food on your plate; normally, however, everybody just uses their own chopsticks to both put food on their plate and to eat with.
If you have a problem with "double-dipping," you will just have to get used to it! If the table has a lazy Susan, and this is common in restaurants, always wait for your turn and let your hosts put food on their plates first.
Always serve your Chinese girlfriend food first, too, before serving yourself.
Of course, if she likes doing this for you, you can simply take turns.
This will show her family that you know how to properly take care of their daughter.
Refill her tea cup and you may even offer to refill the tea cup her parents and/or grandparents, especially if they are sitting close to you.
When seafood is served, it is acceptable to spit shells and/or fish bones into a napkin or the plate; but to be sure, observe what everybody else is doing.
Burping loudly is also a way of complimenting the person who prepared the meal.
It would be best if you talked to your girlfriend about these things first, so you're sure which ones are considered acceptable by her family.
If you have no problem with drinking, then you and your girlfriend's father will most likely bond pretty quickly (fingers crossed!).
But whether you are an occasional or a regular drinker, always pace yourself when sharing some beers (and especially if it's baiju) with (hopefully) your future father-in-law.
Never refuse a drink, and never just take a sip! Drinking deeply reflects the depth of your relationship; so if your Chinese girlfriend's father drinks a toast to you and drinks it deeply, that's reason to celebrate, so bottoms up! Clinking glasses when drinking is customary; what you have to remember is to always make sure that the lip of your glass is lower than that of your girlfriend's father.
Just lightly touch the side of his glass with the lip of your glass.
This is a sign of respect and that you recognize his seniority.
Last but definitely not the least, dig in and enjoy the meal! Remember, eating together is always a family celebration in China and showing them how much you like the food they prepared for you or, if you're eating out that they're sharing with you, is a sign of appreciation, both for their efforts and for welcoming you into the family.
If you're not sure what exactly some of the food they are serving is, enjoy it anyway!