Having an affair can end a relationship.
It does not have to be the end but frequently it is.
Keeping the relationship alive long enough to rebuild your reputation is your goal.
A reputation can be destroyed in a matter of minutes, but rebuilding it will take time.
Confidence in someone develops slowly and trampling on that confidence can be terribly hurtful.
Relationships are all about give and take.
None of them are perfect.
Two individuals from different walks of life come together and try to merge the two lifestyles.
Of course there is going to be points of conflict along the way.
The mature approach would be to work on great communication, but few of us do that.
Now is the time to take a long, hard, honest look at yourself and see what you need to correct.
Take a close look at your relationship and see if you can tell why you felt the need to wander.
Understand that you cannot correct something if you refuse to own it.
Before honesty and integrity can begin to grow in the relationship again, you must understand why you had the affair, what led you to that point.
Essentially, you must know why you did what you did.
And, sometimes, couples need the advice of someone wiser than they.
Do not shy away from a few sessions with a trained professional if it will salvage the relationship that means so much to you.
The big secret to regaining your partner's confidence in you is to realize it restores slowly.
You must be willing to do the right thing until your partner knows you will do the right thing in all circumstances.
There will also be times when you have done the right thing, but your partner will not believe you did.
Be prepared to walk the straight and narrow for a long time.
Begin this restoration process by committing to do what it takes until confidence in you is restored.
Then, begin with the small issues.
If you are asked to mail a package, be sure the package is mailed.
No matter what you promise, do it and do it in a timely fashion.
Be clear on this.
Your partner is going to need confirmation of your commitment to change.
Making apologies for your behavior may become a way of life for you.
You will hear about your lapses over and over.
Each time, you must be willing to apologize again, and commit one more time to being worthy of the new trust you are trying to build up.
Forgiveness in matters of the heart comes slowly.
And you must know that forgiveness does not automatically restore you to the place you once held.
If you are serious about your relationship and you are dedicated to rebuilding it, prepare yourself for a long trial.
Now that does not mean that you cannot make it happen.
Confidence, once lost, is not so easily regained and that is a fact of life.
As the faith in you is being rebuilt, and you hear about your indiscretions often, be very understanding and remind your partner that you are fully aware of the pain you caused.
Admit that you were very wrong and you feel terribly guilty about the hurt your actions brought on.
Apparently your ex is also interested in trying to keep the relationship alive.
That is a good sign.
As often as you can, treat this incident as an opportunity for the two of you to grow together.
Continually remind your partner of the good things you have going for you and how much you want to keep working to make the relationship last.