Discipling a Defiant Child

• 1). Do not succumb to your child's desire for power, but do not fight him for it. A defiant child has problems with authority; therefore if you fight to take away this power, he will combat even harder. However, if you submit or dismiss his behavior, he will continue his rebellious cycle because it works for him.
  
  
• 2). Realize that defiant children actually may not want what you deny them. The power they seek stems from the desire to decide for themselves. Still, their decisions may not be in their best interest; therefore, as the adult, instead of ordering him what to do give him choices. For example, instead of commanding him to do the dishes, offer him a choice between doing the dishes and cleaning his room. This makes him to feel like he has some degree of power and the freedom to choose.
  
  
• 3). Implement a reward system that also allows him to perform the tasks you require. If he refuses to do what you ask, connect that chore with something he enjoys doing. For example, if you tell him to do his homework (which he hates doing), tell him when he is finished with his homework, he can watch his favorite television show. This method gives him something to look forward to and stops short of you bribing him.
  
  
• 4). Show him the consequences of his behavior. For instance, if he engages in fights with others, place him in time out, emphasizing that either he stops hitting others or he risks spending his time in isolation. Or, if he destroys property, tell him he has to work to pay for it. By realizing the consequences of his actions, which are undesirable to him, he will try to behave so he can escape these penalties.
  
  
• 5). Stay firm with him by adapting an empathetic tone of voice which states that you are in charge but also indicates that you are not his enemy. Strengthen your relationship by playing games with him, reading with him, asking him about his feelings and encouraging him. Still, it is important to maintain a certain distance, which lets him know that you are the adult and in charge.
  
  
• 6). Stay in close contact with his teachers and other superiors who are in close contact with him. Inform them of the disciplinary strategies you are using at home and inquire about their techniques. Ensure that the tactics everyone is employing are consistent and effective.