In order to get what you want, you need to know what you want.
This is especially true when it comes to maternity care.
The existing standard for maternity care now falls short on a number of benchmarks, including patient satisfaction and health outcomes.
Standard hospital birth is designed to produce a living baby and a living mother, make the best use of facility resources, maximize profits, and reduce risk of liability.
There is little room in that recipe for individualized care, unless you add a dash of it yourself as an informed patient.
The best way to do that is to have clarity on your personal values, needs, and desires as an expectant parent about to engage the maternity care system.
Do a self-assessment of what you need and want, and evaluate how you can best get those needs met.
Start by considering what is important to you and how you wish for your care givers to treat you.
Also explore what you value about the experience of bringing new life into the world.
How much partnership do want with your doctor or midwife in making decisions about your care - a lot or a little? Do you want to drive the ship, or are you content to have others guide you with what they feel is best? Do you see giving birth as a purely physical, medical event, or is it an opportunity for personal and spiritual growth? Find a facility with a culture that can give you the experience you are looking for, and find a doctor or midwife based in that facility who respects your values as a patient and as a person.
If a hospital appears to have many inflexible rules, you are unlikely to force changes to those rules to suit your needs.
Another hospital or birth center might have a better "vibe" that allows for flexibility and more individualized care.
Your health needs are a top priority.
Your concerns about specific health problems or chronic conditions need to be addressed.
You may also have emotional or psychological needs that need to be supported as well.
Childbirth can pose challenges for women who have experienced trauma in the past, and special care can be taken to address those special needs so wounds of trauma do not reopen.
Religious or spiritual concerns, such as rituals that take place at the time of birth, should be discussed with your care provider and accommodations should be made for those rituals to occur.
You may also have family needs, such as childcare for siblings, or having certain family members take part in the birth, or others being kept out of your delivery room.
You may need extra support during the birth, postpartum, with breastfeeding, or with work, domestic, or other demands on your time while you recover.
You can expect some of those needs and plan for them by investigating sources of support and making arrangements for help before you give birth.
A postpartum doula or a cleaning service may be exactly what you need to adjust to parenthood in the early weeks with a new baby.
Giving birth is a transformational experience that most women experience only a few times in their life.
Prioritize your desires for how you would like the experience to unfold along with your health needs, emotional needs, and values.
Do you envision wearing a certain piece of clothing, or having something special in your surroundings while you are in labor? I attended a hospital birth where the mama-to-be, surrounded by battery-operated tea lights, swayed back and forth while her husband gently played a beat on a 3-foot tall djembe drum.
The smell of lavender floated through the air and soft music played in the background.
None of these things disrupted the medical aspects of her birth, and they helped her feel comfortable, supported, and that her birth was special.
Recognize that those types of desires also have a place in your decision-making about your birth plan along with the more medical-based decisions you will need to make.
Owning your values, needs and desires helps guide your choices about everything from place of birth, care provider, use of a doula, to your medically based decisions like induction or use of pain medication.
This is important because women who feel they have input into what happens during their labors report having more satisfying, positive experiences than women who feel that "things were done to them.
" Birth does not always go according to plan, so having clarity about what is truly important to you and what sits lower on the list of priorities makes medical decision-making an easier process.
Discuss your values, needs and desires with your caregiver throughout your pregnancy.
If your doctor or midwife is not responsive to your needs, that is a sign to look for a different, more responsive care provider.
Part of mastering the maternity experience is balancing evidence-based practice with the expertise of your caregiver and matching the care to your personal case.
You are the expert on your needs, values, and wants.
Owning those pieces of the experience will add to your feelings of mastery of it.