How To Fail At Getting Your Ex Back - What Not To Do
Going through a breakup can mess a lot of things up in your life, but it doesn't have to mess up your shot at getting your ex back. If you can deal with the pain and avoid doing things to sabotage your own efforts, it shouldn't be that hard to convince your ex that getting back together is a good idea. You just have to avoid making the common mistakes that ruin so many people's chances!
Our first impulses during a breakup are usually the enemy, because typically when something this life-changing happens we go into panic mode and just do whatever comes to mind that we think can save our relationship. This is a bad thing...usually what we think will help us is actually more likely to hurt us, so read through the following blunders and make sure you don't fall into them.
1) Stressing out and pining over your ex without ever getting up to actually do something. All this is good for is adding stress-wrinkles and driving your friends crazy. If you're serious about getting your ex back, you need to shove the pain into a corner where you can deal with it without falling apart and get up and get motivated. This situation isn't going to fix itself, so if you want to find happiness again you have to go out and look for it!
2) Acting like it's no big deal, and expecting things to just pick up where they left off with little to no effort on your part. While your ex probably still loves you, it's highly unlikely that he or she so worships you that all your past problems will be immediately forgiven with a single "I'm sorry, babe." Something worth having is worth working for, so if you want your ex back you better be prepared to put forth a lot of effort. It's really only fair.
3) When a lot of time passes and your ex has clearly moved on, you need to know when to quit. If your ex just isn't interested, pursuing him or her becomes less of a case of fighting for romance and more of a case of obsessive stalking. One big big tipoff is if your ex is or has gotten married...generally at that point it's about over for the two of you. I know it can really hurt to hear this, but sometimes two people just aren't meant to be together...but if you can force yourself to move on you'll realize that life continues beyond your ex's arms, and there are countless other shots at happiness out there with other people.
4) Pushing too hard and being too aggressive may seem like admirable persistence or romantic determination, but your ex will probably just see it as more stress that you're piling on after the already highly stressful breakup itself. Getting your ex back should be a fairly gentle process that involves a lot of healing for both of you. Showing motivation is a good thing, but bombarding your ex with attention and feelings-talk is just going to end up pushing him or her away.
5) If you make changes to yourself or your behaviors to make the two of you more suitable for one another, you have to keep up maintenance on those changes. Reverting back to the old you in the middle of the reconciliation or later on down the road when you're together again is just going to make this relationship go the way of the first try. If you make a change to yourself and then later drop it, it's like lying to your ex...and it'll have the same repercussions.
I know these are only 5 pretty avoidable mistakes, but you'd be amazed to know just how many completely savable relationships are shut down forever because of one or more of these blunders. It's vital to your efforts that you not allow any of these to affect your attempts to resolve the problems in your relationship and reforge it into something new that works. If you can avoid these pitfalls and apply yourself to the task, you should have little to no problem in getting your ex back!
Our first impulses during a breakup are usually the enemy, because typically when something this life-changing happens we go into panic mode and just do whatever comes to mind that we think can save our relationship. This is a bad thing...usually what we think will help us is actually more likely to hurt us, so read through the following blunders and make sure you don't fall into them.
1) Stressing out and pining over your ex without ever getting up to actually do something. All this is good for is adding stress-wrinkles and driving your friends crazy. If you're serious about getting your ex back, you need to shove the pain into a corner where you can deal with it without falling apart and get up and get motivated. This situation isn't going to fix itself, so if you want to find happiness again you have to go out and look for it!
2) Acting like it's no big deal, and expecting things to just pick up where they left off with little to no effort on your part. While your ex probably still loves you, it's highly unlikely that he or she so worships you that all your past problems will be immediately forgiven with a single "I'm sorry, babe." Something worth having is worth working for, so if you want your ex back you better be prepared to put forth a lot of effort. It's really only fair.
3) When a lot of time passes and your ex has clearly moved on, you need to know when to quit. If your ex just isn't interested, pursuing him or her becomes less of a case of fighting for romance and more of a case of obsessive stalking. One big big tipoff is if your ex is or has gotten married...generally at that point it's about over for the two of you. I know it can really hurt to hear this, but sometimes two people just aren't meant to be together...but if you can force yourself to move on you'll realize that life continues beyond your ex's arms, and there are countless other shots at happiness out there with other people.
4) Pushing too hard and being too aggressive may seem like admirable persistence or romantic determination, but your ex will probably just see it as more stress that you're piling on after the already highly stressful breakup itself. Getting your ex back should be a fairly gentle process that involves a lot of healing for both of you. Showing motivation is a good thing, but bombarding your ex with attention and feelings-talk is just going to end up pushing him or her away.
5) If you make changes to yourself or your behaviors to make the two of you more suitable for one another, you have to keep up maintenance on those changes. Reverting back to the old you in the middle of the reconciliation or later on down the road when you're together again is just going to make this relationship go the way of the first try. If you make a change to yourself and then later drop it, it's like lying to your ex...and it'll have the same repercussions.
I know these are only 5 pretty avoidable mistakes, but you'd be amazed to know just how many completely savable relationships are shut down forever because of one or more of these blunders. It's vital to your efforts that you not allow any of these to affect your attempts to resolve the problems in your relationship and reforge it into something new that works. If you can avoid these pitfalls and apply yourself to the task, you should have little to no problem in getting your ex back!
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