The mention on "The Big War" to many of our clients brings memories of fighting in the rain forests of the Soloman Islands or in the countryside of France.
They looked upon this as a responsibility or a commitment - something that just had to be done and they were the ones to do it.
Our freedom as a country was at stake.
Our very independence was being threatened.
Now most of these men and women are in the 80's, 90's, or even 100's.
The word "freedom" has taken on a whole new meaning.
Their freedom and independence is at stake every day.
The first freedom that I think about when working with our older clients is freedom to make decisions.
Many older individuals really manage quite well - at least until that out of state adult child swoops in off of the plane and starts making plans for Mom and Dad - plans that they really don't need or want.
Priorities may need to be established with Mom and Dad's participation and agreement, and decisions made together.
In other words, adult children need pick the battles that are the most critical, and work on strategies for those, but again, do it together.
Daughter, Angela, and son, John, very much want their 89 year old Dad to sell his home and enter an assisted living facility.
Since their Mom died four years earlier, he has become very reclusive in their minds.
His house is really too big for him to maintain.
After sharing their concerns with their Dad (for several months), he agreed to hire a housekeeping service, he has a handyman on call to fix the leaks and other routine problems, and has a caregiver coming twice a week for 3 hours to take him out for lunch, get groceries, and to bridge games.
Another crucial freedom for our older clients is the freedom from harm.
As we get older, one of the biggest fears people have is fear of crime.
No one can argue that this is a vulnerable population.
Every day we hear of scams going on, particularly those involving the elderly.
They trust the nice man who shows up at the door wanting to trim the bushes, or reroof the home.
The telemarketer calls and the young lady on the call is so " kind and concerned", that a check just has to be written to the cause that they are promoting.
And then, of course, there are those horrible situations of physical, emotional or sexual abuse.
In Maricopa County, Arizona, Adult Protective Services handles 10,000 cases each year.
This number is estimated nationally to be 1.
5-1.
84 cases of elder abuse and exploitation annually.
Ron's mother, Sara, was confined to a wheelchair.
She lived alone, but had a caregiver to assist her with her daily activities for eight hours every day.
Ron lived next door.
The caregiver noticed that whenever Ron stopped by during the day, Sara would cower in her chair.
She would speak very quietly to him, and always agreed to his demands.
The caregiver reported this situation to Adult Protective Services after she noticed several new bruised on Sara's legs and back.
Sara is now living in a safe environment where she does not have to fear for her well-being..
Respect is a really great attribute.
We "earn" respect.
Our older clients have earned respect and deserve respect from us all.
Freedom to be respected and honored is another freedom that our older generation deserves.
The life experiences are priceless.
How can respect be shown? In our every day conversations.
In our decisions.
In our body language.
Ageism means that we patronize older folks.
Unfortunately our society reveres youth.
This is not true in other cultures where families come together to care for an older loved one as they move along the continuum of life.
Mary Lou had three grandchildren that she adored.
She felt so blessed as they lived nearby.
However, Mary Lou's dementia was progressing.
She often got lost in her assisted living community.
Her grandchildren became fearful, and didn't understand why Grandma kept asking the same questions over and over.
Mary Lou's daughter, Janice, found several books to help her children understand what was happening with Grandma.
They were able to relate to her in ways that she could handle and they spent many pleasant hours - just being together.
Lastly, we need to address the freedom to fail.
Yes, sometimes we need to step back as professionals and as sons and daughters, and let our parents make those decisions that we believe are not the best.
We may be surprised, though, when they don't fail.
This WWII generation "made do".
They have developed great ingenuity.
They have a "stubborn" streak that no one is going to change.
Let's give them the opportunity to "fail" or maybe even succeed! Beverly and Jake have many struggles.
Beverly has macular degeneration and recently fell and broke her hip.
Jake, at age 91, has been her primary caregiver for years.
They recently celebrated their 64th wedding anniversary.
Jake insisted on getting Beverly home following a 3 week stay in a rehabilitation facility following her hip replacement surgery.
Their three children tried and tried to talk with Jake about placing their Mom in an assisted living facility, but Jake would hear none of it.
His response was "I want her at home for her last months".
A safety net was set up with Home Health Services and a caregiver to help get Beverly up, bathed and dressed every morning, to help Jake with some of the physical care needs of his wife.
Jake and Beverly have since come up with many ingenious ways to keep her safe in their home, and she is actually greatly improved in her strength and mobility.
They sit together outside on warm days holding hands.
Freedom and independence.
Freedom to make decisions, freedom from harm, freedom to be respected and the freedom to fail are so critical.
Let's all help those older persons in our lives be as free as they can - and as independent as they can be.