How to Tell Your Mate About a Painful Past
- 1). Clarify, for yourself, exactly why you want to tell your mate about a painful past. You may feel that by not telling him, you're keeping a secret that he should know. You may want him to help you cope with something that happened in your past. Or, you may want him to gain a better understanding of who you are. Make sure that what you say stays in line with what you expect to get out of the conversation.
- 2). Determine what you'll say if the conversation goes one of a few different ways. Prepare how you'll react if your girlfriend handles the information smoothly or if she takes it harder than you expected. Preparation is key so that you don't end up blindsided. You want to make sure that you still get everything out that you want to without being distracted by an unexpected reaction.
- 3). Ask your mate to talk when both of you have plenty of time to spare, can be in private without distractions such as a ringing phone or other interruptions, and when he isn't having a difficult day. Explain that you want to make time to talk so that you can tell him something important, but be sure to not make him worry unnecessarily.
- 4). Keep your part of the conversation as simple and to-the-point as you can. While the conversation may altogether take a long time, the initial explanation doesn't have to be overly wordy or detailed. If you start off with too much information, your partner may have a hard time keeping track of everything and will have difficulty responding.
- 5). Avoid mentioning positive things about exes. Even if a once-great relationship turned into a terrible one, the memory of which you're trying to get past, your current partner doesn't need to or want to hear about how you were extremely in love and are trying to move on from it. If you truly aren't over an ex, you may want to speak to a professional counselor to work through the issue before jumping into a new relationship.
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