In my short lifetime, I have been what everyone else expected me to be and done what everyone else expected me to do.
I have suppressed so much that I am not sure who or what I am.
Couple that with the fact that for the first in my life I am alone.
I am can do whatever I want to do.
I don't have anyone telling what to do, when to do it, how to do it and why to do it.
For the first time I can make my own decisions, be my own boss..
..
be my own person - whoever that is! I find myself thinking and doing things that never occurred to me before...
and I find myself wanting something but I am not sure what..
..
and all of this brings me to the conclusion that I am going through a mid-life crisis.
This is a time of life changing psychological turmoil that occurs between the ages of 37 and 55...
and during this time some women do things that they never would have before:

• Get divorced
• Have affairs (with men and/or women)
• They talk about all the things they missed out on doing
• Often they blame the spouse and for being married
• Obsess about their appearance and aging
• Drinking heavily
• Porn and excessive computer use
• Looking to return to old habits of youth
• Come out as a lesbian
• Loss of affection
• Wanting to go out frequently
• Dressing younger
• Being very concerned about appearance
• Feeling depressed about age
• Lack of communication with a spouse or partner
• Feeling lost or trapped
• Wondering about the meaning of life
• Isolating from family and friends
• Losing interest in everything and everyone
• Risky behavior
• A sudden realization of getting older
• A tragedy in your life
• Andropause or menopause,
• The death of parents or other similar causes of grief,
• Unemployment or underemployment,
• Realizing that a job or career is hated but not knowing how else to earn an equivalent living,
• Children leaving home
• Or it could just simply be a life transition, but this unfortunately can put those around into crisis.
  

And this is just a short list! The scary thing is...
I see a lot of things on this list in me.
I feel trapped, alone, scared.
I am not content with things like that they have always but I feel clueless and powerless to change them.
I think the main thing with the female mid-life crisis is that it is a process of discovery and becoming the woman you are meant to be.
But in the process there comes a risk of not being able to make healthy and positive changes because of fear, indecision or other factors..
..
which can lead to depression.
Women need to be aware of symptoms of serious depression, such as:

• Change in eating habits
• Change in sleeping habits, fatigue
• Feelings of pessimism or hopelessness
• Restlessness, anxiety or irritability
• Feeling of guilt, helplessness or worthlessness
• Loss of interest in activities once enjoyed, including sex and hobbies
• Thoughts of suicide or attempts at suicide
• Physical aches or pains such as headaches or gastrointestinal upset that don't respond to treatment

Above all...
it is important to find people you can talk to.
Support groups, women at church or even a knowledgeable counselor can help during this time.