Control The Negative Thoughts And Anger After An Affair
An affair is one of the most cruel and painful betrayals one spouse can commit against the other. When the affair is discovered there is no doubt that you feel very hurt and furious and you certainly are justified in making those feelings clear. However, once you get over the initial shock if you believe your marriage is still worth saving, you will need to curb your hostility to make progress toward healing your relationship.
Cheating is a disgusting betrayal and most likely you will never get over it completely. For any hope to get past the affair though, you will need to control your outrage and negative thoughts as best you can. You and your husband will both need to be able to agree on an acceptable reconciliation if you were going to survive the affair.
When you discover your husband has had an affair it seems your world has been turned upside down. You are hurt and angry but you can't get the painful thoughts of the affair out of your mind. You feel that you can't make intelligent decisions until you can eliminate these negative thoughts of the affair and the anger it causes from your mind.
Right now you are trying to decide what to do with your marriage. You're not even sure if your marriage can survive the affair. You don't know yet if you'll ever be able to forgive him. What drove him to treat you this way?
In trying to understand how the affair happened, you may become obsessed for details about it. You will probably remain haunted by these negative thoughts and images in your mind until you start taking steps to control this emotional war going on in your head.
There is no immediate solution to escape what counselors call "negative thought loops" but you will eventually defeat them. These thoughts will tend to pop up now and then but you can take conscious steps to rid yourself of them as quickly as possible. You will be in control of your thoughts again but it will take some perseverance and patience.
It's not your fault that your husband betrayed your trust by having an affair. You do not want to be trapped by the miserable thoughts the affair has forced upon you. You can get control over these negative thoughts by learning to manage your thinking. You can improve your thinking if you fight the negative thoughts and replace them with pleasant or restful ones.
Before you will be able to take positive control of your thoughts, your husband will need to make positive improvements in his behavior. It will take some time to rebuild a bond of trust in your relationship but he needs to improve his actions before you can control your own thinking.
When you are ready to take control of your thoughts, start the process by noticing times and places when you are most likely to have negative thoughts as well as when and where you are least likely to have them. You need to be aware of what may trigger negative or positive feelings and even just a neutral state of mind.
Look for patterns in when and where you find yourself experiencing these "negative thought loops". Note your activity when they occur as well as time or place. Knowing these facts will make it easier to identify and control triggers which might be sparking the thoughts
Once you have identified patterns that sparked the negative thoughts, you can start taking actions to prevent these loops from occurring. If you learn a certain activity produces a negative thought, you can alter the activity to break the pattern. If it is a place, you can try to avoid it as much as possible. Even if it is an unexpected sight, sound or smell have a defense plan to disrupt the loop before it takes root in your mind. For example, if a song on the radio starts to trigger bad thoughts, change the station. For a smell, you might carry a handkerchief scented with a favorite scent to distract yourself.
Just take some sort of action that will disrupt the pattern from taking over your thoughts as quickly as you notice it happening. You need to plan ahead and have a list of pleasant thoughts or actions ready to use when the negative loops try to start in your mind. It will take time and effort on your part but you can learn to prevent these negative thoughts from haunting your mind and regain control of your mind once again.
Cheating is a disgusting betrayal and most likely you will never get over it completely. For any hope to get past the affair though, you will need to control your outrage and negative thoughts as best you can. You and your husband will both need to be able to agree on an acceptable reconciliation if you were going to survive the affair.
When you discover your husband has had an affair it seems your world has been turned upside down. You are hurt and angry but you can't get the painful thoughts of the affair out of your mind. You feel that you can't make intelligent decisions until you can eliminate these negative thoughts of the affair and the anger it causes from your mind.
Right now you are trying to decide what to do with your marriage. You're not even sure if your marriage can survive the affair. You don't know yet if you'll ever be able to forgive him. What drove him to treat you this way?
In trying to understand how the affair happened, you may become obsessed for details about it. You will probably remain haunted by these negative thoughts and images in your mind until you start taking steps to control this emotional war going on in your head.
There is no immediate solution to escape what counselors call "negative thought loops" but you will eventually defeat them. These thoughts will tend to pop up now and then but you can take conscious steps to rid yourself of them as quickly as possible. You will be in control of your thoughts again but it will take some perseverance and patience.
It's not your fault that your husband betrayed your trust by having an affair. You do not want to be trapped by the miserable thoughts the affair has forced upon you. You can get control over these negative thoughts by learning to manage your thinking. You can improve your thinking if you fight the negative thoughts and replace them with pleasant or restful ones.
Before you will be able to take positive control of your thoughts, your husband will need to make positive improvements in his behavior. It will take some time to rebuild a bond of trust in your relationship but he needs to improve his actions before you can control your own thinking.
When you are ready to take control of your thoughts, start the process by noticing times and places when you are most likely to have negative thoughts as well as when and where you are least likely to have them. You need to be aware of what may trigger negative or positive feelings and even just a neutral state of mind.
Look for patterns in when and where you find yourself experiencing these "negative thought loops". Note your activity when they occur as well as time or place. Knowing these facts will make it easier to identify and control triggers which might be sparking the thoughts
Once you have identified patterns that sparked the negative thoughts, you can start taking actions to prevent these loops from occurring. If you learn a certain activity produces a negative thought, you can alter the activity to break the pattern. If it is a place, you can try to avoid it as much as possible. Even if it is an unexpected sight, sound or smell have a defense plan to disrupt the loop before it takes root in your mind. For example, if a song on the radio starts to trigger bad thoughts, change the station. For a smell, you might carry a handkerchief scented with a favorite scent to distract yourself.
Just take some sort of action that will disrupt the pattern from taking over your thoughts as quickly as you notice it happening. You need to plan ahead and have a list of pleasant thoughts or actions ready to use when the negative loops try to start in your mind. It will take time and effort on your part but you can learn to prevent these negative thoughts from haunting your mind and regain control of your mind once again.
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