Americans are getting fatter.
I hate to be the one to put it so bluntly, but the scales don't lie.
65% of adult Americans are either overweight or obese.
25% of Americans are obese.
Now for the bad news - things are only getting worse.
In 1991, only four states had obesity rates of 15 to 19 percent and none had obesity rates greater than 20 percent.
By the year 2000, all of the 50 states had obesity rates of 15 percent or greater, with 35 of the 50 states having obesity rates as high as 20 percent or greater.
In 2005, obesity rates increased in 49 out of 50 States (congratulations to Oregon for bucking the trend).
The Trust for America's Health is projecting that by 2008 a staggering 73% of US adults could be overweight or obese.
The trend is clear - we are all getting fatter by the day.
With the rise of the Internet and our new information on demand society you can hardly sneeze without hitting a "how to lose weight article.
"Books, articles, videos, TV specials, magazine, blogs, web sites - they are filled with tips and tricks on how to lose weight.
Is there any celebrity left who has not published a diet book? So, two trends seem undeniable - we are getting fatter and we are getting bombarded with articles on how not to get fatter.
In fact, I would argue there is a direct correlation - the more articles written on losing weight, the more weight we gain.
While it was a reasonable assumption to think that writing articles on how to lose weight would help people lose weight - the numbers reveal that is not true.
Not one to ignore statistics - I now see as a health author I am part of the obesity problem.
Today I will correct that mistake.
If writing articles on how to lose weight has led to record levels of obesity, then writing an article on how to gain weight should lead to record levels of weight loss.
In my quest to help reverse the growing obesity rate, here are my Top 10 Ways to Fail Miserably at Losing Weight...

1. Natural = Bad.
   Fully processed = goodFruits, vegetables, whole grains - these just don't spike the blood sugar levels.
   Fullyprocessed, close to impossible to digest foods - this is where you get to ridethe insulin roller coaster to certain weight gain.
   
2. If you can pronounce the ingredients in your food, you are eating the wrong foodGrab a snack, flip it over and read the ingredients.
   If you can actuallypronounce all the ingredients - put it down.
   You need to concentrate onsnacks that have a list of ingredients that require a PhD in chemicalengineering to decipher.
   
3. Drink more EggnogAt 430 calories and 20 grams of fat per cup - Eggnog is a guaranteed way toput on those extra pounds.
   Stock up around the holidays, you want tomake sure you still have eggnog left when you are trying to put on thatextra 10 pounds so your bikini doesn't fall off you come summer time.
   
4. It is hard to eat while exercising - so don't exercise.
   Exercise simply cuts into the few waking hours you have to eat food - so don't do it!
5. Eat LateNumerous studies have shown that our body has a tough time burning thecalories we eat late at night.
   Try to have your largest, sugar ladenmeals just seconds before you doze off.
   
6. Super size your Super SizeSuper Size meals, Double Big Gulps - all moves in the right direction, butjust not enough.
   A good rule of thumb - if you don't need a dolly tocarry your meal from a fast food restaurant - you haven't super sized enough.
   
7. Remove all mirrors from your homeMirrors just reflect reality - who wants this.
   You need to make sure themedia decides exactly how you perceive yourself.
   
8. Eat Out and Eat OftenHaving all your meals away from home is a great way to pack on theextra pounds.
   Of course, "all you can eat buffets" are the HolyGrail of gaining weight.
   
9. Have all home faucets rewired to a soda kegDrinking plenty of water can wreck havoc on your goal of NOTlosing weight.
   To avoid any temptation to drink water, have a plumber hook your faucets upto a soda keg.
   Simply replacing 60 ounces of water with the same amountof Coke will add a nifty 700 calories to your diet.
   
10. Remove all positive people from your lifeYou are going to need to be down, depressed and negative to succeed infailing your diet.
    Remember - food is your comfort, not friends orfamily.
    Stock the cupboards with comfort food and disconnect the phone.
    

While other writers continue to act irresponsibly - contributing to the obesity rate by writing articles on how to lose weight - I want to be able to sleep at night.
If I could just get Oprah and Dr.
Phil to join me in writing articles on how not to lose weight, I am sure we could put an end to obesity.