Updated June 09, 2015.

OK, I really thought I would have something wonderful to say having reached my two year milestone. I feel a little braindead tonight, kindof like when I first quit smoking. I spent my "birthday" golfing in the cold with my ladies league; even had 2 smokers in my foursome. One has been diagosed with the beginnings of COPD, but still she smokes.

Yesterday I spent the better part of the day on-line shopping.

That definitely reminded me of when I quit. That first December I spent a lot of time on-line shopping. I kept thinking "I'm not smoking. I'm saving money. I can buy that.". My husband estimates that over the last two years I have spent about 5 years worth of cigarette money.

For those of you who are new in your quits or struggling, my wish for you is to stay strong. Often I find myself saying little prayers for someone or ones that I see struggling. It's interesting that after this much time it is often obvious who will maintain a quit and who won't. For those of you who have seen my posts, you will notice that I don't have a lot of tolerence for new posters who come to the forum looking for a magic solution, preferably one that doesn't involve any work on their part. On the other hand, I have a huge amount of compassion and patience for those who need assistance from the forum but who also know they are in control of their own quit destiny. It so pained me when one of my quit partners lost her quit after 18 months.

She is the same age as my youngest daughter, and I feel a tremendous bond with her. I am so proud that she restarted her quit. I know she will make it this time.

I was fortunate enough to go through my quit as a retiree. I had the luxury of sleeping in, sitting at the computer for hours, golfing, or whatever I wanted. Good thing because I was a mental zombie for somewhere between 2 and 4 weeks. I was blessed to have a husband who quit 9 days after me. So I had someone who would listen to me grind on and on about our quits - at least he said he was listening. My mom wasn't too happy that she had lost her 2 best smoking buddies. There were times that she just didn't understand why I couldn't have "just one".

How did I stay quit? As I've told a couple of others on the forum, I used to spend a lot of time early in my quit thinking that I would have just one more cigarette. When my urges were strongest, I would consider where, when, how, and with whom I should have that "just one". I played through lots of ideas - day/night, alone/with my husband, on the golf course, with a glass of wine or maybe a cup of coffee, and on and on. This got me through the worst urges, and I could never come up with the best way to have just one more. So I never did.

I also made a list of situations that would be big triggers - talking on the phone, golfing, sitting on the back porch, and a bunch of others I've now forgotten. Everytime I made it through one, I checked it off. I kept the list by my computer to remind me of how many things I had gotten through without smoking. I think when I knew that I was truly an ex-smoker was the 40 mile midnight run my DH and I made through the winding Virgin River gorge from Mesquite to St. George, Utah to take my mom to the emergency room. About half way up the canyon I realized that I hadn't thought at all about wanting a smoke.

I made it through finding two new packs of cigarettes over the course of my first month of quitting, being handed a lit cigarette by mom to hold while she did something, watching my youngest daughter smoke these cute little Virginia Slims with the thought that they were so darn skinny it couldn't possibly hurt me to smoke one, and probably a dozen other really tough situations that have long since faded in my memory.

I will never, ever forget my last cigarette - December 1, 2002 at about 9pm in the garage at our home in Mesquite, Nevada. But, two years later, the memory of me as a smoker has grown quite dim - very surprising for someone who smoked for about 35 years. I am very proud of myself. This is something that I tried to do off and on for about 7 years. I didn't know I could succeed, but I truly believe that God did. I can only tell each of you again - this was not easy but it was not nearly as difficult as I imagined it to be before I quit.

May each one of you find the blessings, peace, and freedom of being an ex-smoker. You deserve it! You are worth it!

Thanks to Christine for starting the forum, to Terry for continuing it, and to each of you for contributing to it. OK, I'm done.

Susie in Nevada
Quit as of 12/01/2002

Susie's 3 Year Smoke Free Milestone

Updated: 1-8-2006