My Bucket List - Things to Do Before I Die
When I was young getting old wasn't something I ever thought would happen to me.
Now that it is happening it does, perhaps surprisingly, have a lot to recommend it: it's certainly better than the alternative - (not living long enough to get old) - and can be a liberating experience, though perhaps for reasons best left unspecified.
It also allows me to grow maudlin and nostalgic and create lists of things I should have done already or should do before it is too late.
In an article in The Guardian my good friend Richard Usman, (actually he is not my good friend, in fact he hasn't even met me, I just feel we would get on tremendously if we ever did meet.
) makes the case that life is too short for lists of things to do and it would be more time effective to have a list of things NOT to do.
Although I broadly agree with this I think there are some things that would enrich anybody's existence.
So with the thoughtlessness of encroaching old age I will foist upon you the 10 things I want to have done before I die, and which, for the most part, item 2 excepted, would enrich my life.
1.
Dispose of a body.
When I mentioned this to my wife she was horrified and refused to let me post it on Facebook.
To be fair she might have a point: the status "Garry Rowlands would like to dispose of a body" does have a slightly sinister ring to it if you come up against it cold.
In fairness though it is the disposal I am interested in.
I have no interest in providing the body myself, I would be quite happy to acquire it by legal and moral means and then happily dispose of it according to taste.
I even have a body in mind, my own, though I haven't quite finished having fun with it yet.
I also have a number of ideas for its disposal.
Initially I was going to give my body to medical research.
Oh to be dressed in a nice suit and propped up in a bus stop during student rag week.
I only wish I could be there to see it - well I'd be there I suppose, just not seeing it.
However I realised that I couldn't guarantee to die during a suitable rag week and I found that it can actually cost to donate your body; you sometimes have to pay for delivery so I'm going off this idea.
Most of the other methods are either illegal or present significant danger to the disposers so I guess I'll have to settle for the more mundane woodland burial in a nice wickerwork coffin.
I always wanted a wickerwork 3 piece suite for a conservatory but so far I haven't managed.
So the coffin will be something to look forward to.
2.
Have a conservatory with a wickerwork 3 piece suite.
See above.
This will be more fun than a coffin which would be a very second best alternative.
3.
Befriend Richard Usman.
He's a lot taller than me but if we met only when he was sitting down it would be fine.
4.
Become the Third Hairy Biker Again as with Richard Usman I know we would all get on great if only we met.
I recently found out where one of them lives so maybe this could be arranged.
If this fails I would settle for becoming the third Chuckle Brother and I'm sure they will be excited to hear this.
5.
Learn to cook.
This would obviously be a great help for item 5.
At the moment, although I cook and bake a lot, everything I make is nearly always not quite really tasty.
(Wish I'd paid more attention to English at school then I could have made that sentence make more sense.
) 6.
Get on TV.
Meeting target number 4 could well do this so two birds with one stone.
Great.
However I wouldn't be worried about why I got on TV so if ever I get desperate to meet target number one and can't wait for a legal body to be provided this might also get me on TV.
Again two birds with one stone.
Great.
7.
Appreciate other people's senior moments.
I have plenty of my own much to the enjoyment of others.
I will make more effort to enjoy theirs.
Yesterday a friend told me he had been gardening for an hour and looked down to notice that he was wearing one flip flop and one welly.
His first thought was "when did that happen?" which surely made it even worse.
8.
Learn to count.
I have run out of ideas for things to do.
I'm sure I counted more 9 Learn to review and edit properly.
I've clearly learnt to count (I'm a maths teacher) so could have gone back and changed the number of items in my list to 9 but I couldn't be bothered.
So if you're not reading this then either I managed to be bothered or I got a proper editor.
Now that it is happening it does, perhaps surprisingly, have a lot to recommend it: it's certainly better than the alternative - (not living long enough to get old) - and can be a liberating experience, though perhaps for reasons best left unspecified.
It also allows me to grow maudlin and nostalgic and create lists of things I should have done already or should do before it is too late.
In an article in The Guardian my good friend Richard Usman, (actually he is not my good friend, in fact he hasn't even met me, I just feel we would get on tremendously if we ever did meet.
) makes the case that life is too short for lists of things to do and it would be more time effective to have a list of things NOT to do.
Although I broadly agree with this I think there are some things that would enrich anybody's existence.
So with the thoughtlessness of encroaching old age I will foist upon you the 10 things I want to have done before I die, and which, for the most part, item 2 excepted, would enrich my life.
1.
Dispose of a body.
When I mentioned this to my wife she was horrified and refused to let me post it on Facebook.
To be fair she might have a point: the status "Garry Rowlands would like to dispose of a body" does have a slightly sinister ring to it if you come up against it cold.
In fairness though it is the disposal I am interested in.
I have no interest in providing the body myself, I would be quite happy to acquire it by legal and moral means and then happily dispose of it according to taste.
I even have a body in mind, my own, though I haven't quite finished having fun with it yet.
I also have a number of ideas for its disposal.
Initially I was going to give my body to medical research.
Oh to be dressed in a nice suit and propped up in a bus stop during student rag week.
I only wish I could be there to see it - well I'd be there I suppose, just not seeing it.
However I realised that I couldn't guarantee to die during a suitable rag week and I found that it can actually cost to donate your body; you sometimes have to pay for delivery so I'm going off this idea.
Most of the other methods are either illegal or present significant danger to the disposers so I guess I'll have to settle for the more mundane woodland burial in a nice wickerwork coffin.
I always wanted a wickerwork 3 piece suite for a conservatory but so far I haven't managed.
So the coffin will be something to look forward to.
2.
Have a conservatory with a wickerwork 3 piece suite.
See above.
This will be more fun than a coffin which would be a very second best alternative.
3.
Befriend Richard Usman.
He's a lot taller than me but if we met only when he was sitting down it would be fine.
4.
Become the Third Hairy Biker Again as with Richard Usman I know we would all get on great if only we met.
I recently found out where one of them lives so maybe this could be arranged.
If this fails I would settle for becoming the third Chuckle Brother and I'm sure they will be excited to hear this.
5.
Learn to cook.
This would obviously be a great help for item 5.
At the moment, although I cook and bake a lot, everything I make is nearly always not quite really tasty.
(Wish I'd paid more attention to English at school then I could have made that sentence make more sense.
) 6.
Get on TV.
Meeting target number 4 could well do this so two birds with one stone.
Great.
However I wouldn't be worried about why I got on TV so if ever I get desperate to meet target number one and can't wait for a legal body to be provided this might also get me on TV.
Again two birds with one stone.
Great.
7.
Appreciate other people's senior moments.
I have plenty of my own much to the enjoyment of others.
I will make more effort to enjoy theirs.
Yesterday a friend told me he had been gardening for an hour and looked down to notice that he was wearing one flip flop and one welly.
His first thought was "when did that happen?" which surely made it even worse.
8.
Learn to count.
I have run out of ideas for things to do.
I'm sure I counted more 9 Learn to review and edit properly.
I've clearly learnt to count (I'm a maths teacher) so could have gone back and changed the number of items in my list to 9 but I couldn't be bothered.
So if you're not reading this then either I managed to be bothered or I got a proper editor.
Source...