Updated February 10, 2014.

I didn't understand how looking after myself first was ever going to get the alcoholic to stop drinking! What were these crazy Al-Anon people talking about?

I'm not the problem! The alcoholic is the one with the problem! If they would just do things MY way, everything would be okay!

As I started "working" the Al-Anon program, I discovered that there were some very good reasons looking after me could improve the overall situation.

It turns out that a lot of what I did to try to change the situation actually contributed to the problem and not the solution. It also turned out that I actually had a few character defects of my own! I had to admit these defects also contributed to the family problem.

My Attitude About the Problem

When I started looking after me first and some of my problems were addressed, I was no longer contributing as much to the chaos and confusion. When I stopped trying to control, they stopped reacting to my efforts to control!
No, it didn't stop the alcoholic from drinking. But in the meantime my attitude about the problem changed with the realization that I was powerless to cure someone else's disease and it wasn't my job to begin with. So looking after me first didn't change the drinking, but it sure changed the situation and my changed my attitude tremendously.

-- BuddyT

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