Children often struggle with their own sense of self-worth, particularly during adolescence. They may doubt their abilities, compare their physical appearance to peers, and even worry that they may never be as intellectually or socially as successful as other children. As much as parents want to assuage these fears and instill a sense of value in their children, ultimately it is up to the child. But there are several things parents can do to help their children build their self-esteem.

Love Your Child Unconditionally

Show your child that you love them, not their actions, their appearance or their accomplishments. Tell them with your direct words that you love them as they are. Make them aware that no matter what they do or look like, they will still be as important and special to you as they are right now. Let them know that regardless of the sports they play or the grades they get, that they are still a valid and integral part of your family and are truly accepted and loved. When your child is feeling upset about their place in school or among peers, it will be this sense of belonging that lifts them up and keeps them going.

Encourage His Interests

As a parent, you can want your child to do specific things. But pushing your child into an activity or pursuit of your choosing, against their will, will only result in feelings of inadequacy on their part and disappointment on yours. Encourage your child to pursue the things that he enjoys and excels at, no matter how different they may be from your desires for him. Provide him the opportunities to try new things until he finds something that he is proud of doing and he does well. If he has one activity or passion in his life, he will learn to lean on that as a source of strength when he feels less than successful in other areas.

Focus on the Internal Traits

If your child feels unhappy about his physical appearance or achievements, redirect his attention inward. Perhaps your child is an extremely kind and generous soul. Make him aware of those traits that are unique to him and teach him to recognize those behaviors as special and valuable. Show him how to express more of those attributes so that he can see concrete and real benefits to himself and those around him. If your child loves to share, have him share his time reading to others. If he loves to help, let him donate his time to a soup kitchen or church. These activities will allow him to do something he loves while helping others. He will feel valued and appreciated and will begin to recognize that self-esteem comes from within.

Allow Him to Change Those Things He Wants to Change

Children who struggle with self-esteem issues often want desperately to change those things about themselves that they do not like. If the change is not harmful, let them. If your child wants to dye his hair, or dress a new way, let him. Adolescence is when children discover who they are and where they fit in the world. Many kids go through several different phases, activities and friends before they find their own identity. Allow your child the opportunity to experiment within reason and without criticism. Your child will gain the confidence they need to take on new things and won't be afraid to explore every area of their personality. They will eventually find out who they are and will be more self-assured knowing that they found themselves entirely on their own.

If your child continues to struggle with self-esteem issues, despite your best attempts and their own, consider enlisting the help of a professional therapist. Regardless of how much you tell your child they are special and important, sometimes a child still needs expert guidance and direction in order to develop the skills necessary to recognize their own value and worth.