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You can’t even begin to discuss The Grannies without first addressing the band’s schtick, because that’s the first thing you see. The lineup consists of five crusty old punk dudes who dress up like glammed-up geriatric women, taking on an ever-changing role call of assumed names that sound lifted from the roster of a third-rate roller derby squad (Anita Drink? Helena Handbasket?).

And sure, it’s mildly entertaining.


For about five minutes. And then, like many bands who rely on schtick, that could easily be the end of it all, except for the occasional late-night drunken reminiscing that went something like, “hey, do you guys remember The Grannies? No? They were a bunch of old punks who dressed up like old ladies. It was kind of funny.”

Like I said, that could be the end of it - if The Grannies were truly just a band about some schtick. But they’re not. Instead, the old-lady cross dressing thing is really just the frosting on the cake. And that cake is made of pure raw meat from a seriously questionable source.

Now that the band’s look has been addressed, I think it’s safe to simply ignore it and focus on what they sound like. And that is a freight train with an engine loaded with raw power, a passenger car with glam accents and a bar car bigger than the rest of it all, filled to the gills with cheap beer and cheaper whiskey. Ballsier, the band’s eighth record produced by Jack Endino - who has made a name producing grunge acts including that big one, as well as more straightforward rockers like Supersuckers and Valient Thorr - is a spit-drenched garage punk record, replete with the occasional singalong chorus and organ riff.

Ballsier opens with the Stooges-inspired “Wade In Bloody Water,” a raw rocker with unapologetic riffs that stands on its own memorable boots, but the explosive start isn’t ready to fall back on its geriatric haunches at all. Ballsier is loaded with piles of dirty trashy rock like “Trouble Hurricane”, and frenetically charged paranoid energy on tracks like “Hillbilly With Knife Skills.” “The Corner Of Fuck And You” comes across like a little-known Motorhead B-side from a forgotten era when the band jammed with Black Flag, and “Glittershitter” is a solid scoop of sludge, with a plodding melody that breaks out a bit into the occasional rock blast and pays serious heed to grunge days past.

“Outta’ My Skull” finds the band doing a crunchy punk track atop a rollicking backer, “Soviet” has a Bay-Area punk classic sound to it that sounds like an homage to Operation Ivy (along with the backing vocals that are an unmistakeable tribute to “Bombshell”, but manipulated more than slightly in order to squeeze all the ska out.

The record nears completion with a pair of covers. First up is the snotty sound of the all-too-oft-forgotten Slaughter & The Dogs’ “Cranked Up Really High”, and one has to to really relish anytime that glam and Oi! get so firmly mixed. Following that is a cover of The Beastie Boys’ “Fight For Your Right that falls a bit flat for the simple fact that, well do we really need another version of a played-out party anthem like that?

But, Ballsier doesn’t end there, oh no. The record still has a pair of remixed tracks to draw it to a close because reasons. First up is a remix of “The Corner Of Fuck And You” by Ben Addison (of UK jazz legends Corduroy) that turns the track into a sleazy easy listener, and forces me to envision Lemmy as a lounge singer in crushed blue velvet - strangely, it’s not a difficult thing to do. That’s followed up by a more straightforward dance mix of “Glittershitter” by Matt Flores (a DJ guy apparently) that comes across as gratuitous and reminds me of why I have little use for so many styles of electronica. This track is evidently absent from the vinyl version of the record, and that may make that version the superior one in content as well as sound.

What Ballsier lacks in innovation, it makes up for in proficiency. Aside from a few lackluster failed experiments, the record rocks soundly and solidly. The years have honed The Grannies’ trashy garage sound to a fine blade, albeit not a clean one. They pick up on hints dropped by bands like the Stooges, Dwarves and Supersuckers and run with them, making a party that can only truly be over when the old lady spits in your face.

Buy Ballsier here.