Writing Clear And Concise - Rid Your Writing Of Redundant Words
After the first chapter of my book was critiqued, I extracted various sentences as good examples of the mistakes I made.
Each one exhibits redundant word usage.
I've included better sentence structure below each example.
Read each sentence and find words that are repetitive in meaning, and words that add nothing to the sentence.
(1) Remember, your objective is to create a clean, clear, and concise sentence.
And notice how much shorter my sentences become when I delete redundant and repetitive words.
During rewrites, these redundancies become crucial.
One of the many errors new writers commit is using too many words when less can say the same thing without changing the meaning of the sentence.
Example 1 With her mother's words still lingering in her ear, she ignored the sealed, unmarked envelope and placed it in the trash pile.
Still doesn't add anything to the sentence.
If you take it out, has it changed the sentence? "...
in her ear" is deleted because where else would words linger? The preposition is redundant.
"...
ignored...
" should be deleted because "she" didn't really ignore the envelope IF she placed it in the trash, did she? Example 1 Corrected With her mother's words lingering, she placed the sealed, unmarked envelope in the trash.
Example 2 Curious, she cocked her head to the side then picked it up.
To cock your head means to lean it to the side, or protrude it in some way.
So, cocked and to the side might be interpreted to mean the same thing and make the sentence seem redundant.
Also, the sentence reads as if "she" picked up her head.
(1) Example 2 Corrected Curious, she cocked her head then she picked up the envelope.
Example 3 She straightened the folds of the letter, as she walked toward the window, and peered down at the snow forming soft white mounds onto her 37 acres.
No need for "as she.
" Deleting it and adding a comma cuts down on wording.
"...
peered down.
" What you didn't know about this scene is that the woman is in the attic.
English gurus tell us we should avoid directional terms.
Delete "down.
" Here's a better example: "She looked up at the sky.
" Delete up.
Why? Because the sky is always UP, never down.
Simply say "She looked at the sky.
" The next deletion was "soft.
" We all think of snow as soft.
If you delete "soft" does it take away from what is being said? No.
Then delete it.
Why delete "white?" Is snow another color? Snow is always white.
It's redundant to say it and deleting it cuts down on word count.
You see how redundancy can get in the way of clarity? Example 3 Corrected She straightened the folds of the letter, walked toward the window, and peered at the snow forming mounds onto her 37 acres.
Example 4 She swiped at a tear and promised not to cry.
Though this sentence is short and you wouldn't think it's a problem, it has one word too many.
In addition, the sentence sounds like she "missed" the tear when she swiped at it.
I didn't want the sentence to come off that way to the reader so I deleted "at.
" The corrected sentence below gives the reader the impression she "swiped a tear" in a hurry or in anger.
Example 4 Corrected She swiped a tear and promised not to cry.
Example 5 Melba stood in the doorway of the bathroom and stared at the box with contempt.
Go through your writing and delete every of, and, but, to, then, was, been, am, is, being, were, and that wherever possible.
You will end up with smoother flowing prose, less pesty articles, and fewer "to be" verbs.
Example 5 Corrected Melba stood in the bathroom doorway and stared at the box with contempt.
Example 6 As Lucille Jeffries' only child, Melba could somewhat sympathize with her mother's concern to take care of her.
The general rule here is to avoid qualifiers such as rather, very, little, pretty, somewhat, etc.
(2) Example 6 Corrected As Lucille Jeffries' only child, Melba sympathized with her mother's concern to take care of her.
Example 7 She dug her nails into another seam and ripped again and again until her elbows and shoulders burned with pain.
Repeating a word or phrase doesn't always come across as we intended.
We do it for emphasis.
I like it, but it's redundant.
Example 7 Corrected She dug her nails into another seam and ripped again until her elbows and shoulders burned with pain.
Or if you want to convey that the "ripping" continued, you might rewrite it as: She dug her nails into another seam and continued to rip the wallpaper until her elbows and shoulders burned with pain.
I hope these tips work for you and that I've provided insight to better writing.
I'm learning as I go and hoping to take you with me for the ride.
Happy Writing! [1] Style - Lessons in Clarity and Grace by Joseph M.
Williams - Ninth Edition, Pearson Longman, 2007 (pgs.
112, 113).
http://www.
amazon.
com/Style-Lessons-Clarity-Grace-Edition/dp/B006WHHBCA [2] How to Not Write Bad - The Most Common Writing Problems and the Best Ways to Avoid Them by Ben Yagoda, Riverhead Books, 2013 (pg.
113).
http://www.
amazon.
com/How-Not-Write-Bad-Problems/dp/1594488487
Each one exhibits redundant word usage.
I've included better sentence structure below each example.
Read each sentence and find words that are repetitive in meaning, and words that add nothing to the sentence.
(1) Remember, your objective is to create a clean, clear, and concise sentence.
And notice how much shorter my sentences become when I delete redundant and repetitive words.
During rewrites, these redundancies become crucial.
One of the many errors new writers commit is using too many words when less can say the same thing without changing the meaning of the sentence.
Example 1 With her mother's words still lingering in her ear, she ignored the sealed, unmarked envelope and placed it in the trash pile.
Still doesn't add anything to the sentence.
If you take it out, has it changed the sentence? "...
in her ear" is deleted because where else would words linger? The preposition is redundant.
"...
ignored...
" should be deleted because "she" didn't really ignore the envelope IF she placed it in the trash, did she? Example 1 Corrected With her mother's words lingering, she placed the sealed, unmarked envelope in the trash.
Example 2 Curious, she cocked her head to the side then picked it up.
To cock your head means to lean it to the side, or protrude it in some way.
So, cocked and to the side might be interpreted to mean the same thing and make the sentence seem redundant.
Also, the sentence reads as if "she" picked up her head.
(1) Example 2 Corrected Curious, she cocked her head then she picked up the envelope.
Example 3 She straightened the folds of the letter, as she walked toward the window, and peered down at the snow forming soft white mounds onto her 37 acres.
No need for "as she.
" Deleting it and adding a comma cuts down on wording.
"...
peered down.
" What you didn't know about this scene is that the woman is in the attic.
English gurus tell us we should avoid directional terms.
Delete "down.
" Here's a better example: "She looked up at the sky.
" Delete up.
Why? Because the sky is always UP, never down.
Simply say "She looked at the sky.
" The next deletion was "soft.
" We all think of snow as soft.
If you delete "soft" does it take away from what is being said? No.
Then delete it.
Why delete "white?" Is snow another color? Snow is always white.
It's redundant to say it and deleting it cuts down on word count.
You see how redundancy can get in the way of clarity? Example 3 Corrected She straightened the folds of the letter, walked toward the window, and peered at the snow forming mounds onto her 37 acres.
Example 4 She swiped at a tear and promised not to cry.
Though this sentence is short and you wouldn't think it's a problem, it has one word too many.
In addition, the sentence sounds like she "missed" the tear when she swiped at it.
I didn't want the sentence to come off that way to the reader so I deleted "at.
" The corrected sentence below gives the reader the impression she "swiped a tear" in a hurry or in anger.
Example 4 Corrected She swiped a tear and promised not to cry.
Example 5 Melba stood in the doorway of the bathroom and stared at the box with contempt.
Go through your writing and delete every of, and, but, to, then, was, been, am, is, being, were, and that wherever possible.
You will end up with smoother flowing prose, less pesty articles, and fewer "to be" verbs.
Example 5 Corrected Melba stood in the bathroom doorway and stared at the box with contempt.
Example 6 As Lucille Jeffries' only child, Melba could somewhat sympathize with her mother's concern to take care of her.
The general rule here is to avoid qualifiers such as rather, very, little, pretty, somewhat, etc.
(2) Example 6 Corrected As Lucille Jeffries' only child, Melba sympathized with her mother's concern to take care of her.
Example 7 She dug her nails into another seam and ripped again and again until her elbows and shoulders burned with pain.
Repeating a word or phrase doesn't always come across as we intended.
We do it for emphasis.
I like it, but it's redundant.
Example 7 Corrected She dug her nails into another seam and ripped again until her elbows and shoulders burned with pain.
Or if you want to convey that the "ripping" continued, you might rewrite it as: She dug her nails into another seam and continued to rip the wallpaper until her elbows and shoulders burned with pain.
I hope these tips work for you and that I've provided insight to better writing.
I'm learning as I go and hoping to take you with me for the ride.
Happy Writing! [1] Style - Lessons in Clarity and Grace by Joseph M.
Williams - Ninth Edition, Pearson Longman, 2007 (pgs.
112, 113).
http://www.
amazon.
com/Style-Lessons-Clarity-Grace-Edition/dp/B006WHHBCA [2] How to Not Write Bad - The Most Common Writing Problems and the Best Ways to Avoid Them by Ben Yagoda, Riverhead Books, 2013 (pg.
113).
http://www.
amazon.
com/How-Not-Write-Bad-Problems/dp/1594488487
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