Sex Tips for the Rest of Us – Sharing Sexy Pictures and Sounds
This week’s sex tip is about discovering what you find sexy, erotic, or just plain hot, and sharing your discoveries with a partner.
The Set Up
Some, but not all of us, are aware when something turns us on. We might find ourselves just slightly more tuned in, or note a change in our bodies. It might be sudden and shocking or slow and subtle. Whether you’re aware of it or not, how often do you spend time thinking about why something turns you on?
What it is, specifically, that gets you hot? And when was the last time you shared those thoughts with a partner?
The Exercise
This sex tip takes a week to prepare and then at least an hour to do. Once you’ve agreed on a week (one that hopefully doesn’t have extra commitments) during that week, try to pay attention, as often as you can, to things you find arousing. You can be intentional about it and go online, buy some magazines, watch some movies, to seek out images and sounds that you find hot. But you should also do this during the course of your day. On a lunch break watching people around you, listening to the radio or reading the newspaper, in store windows and shopping malls. Wherever you are, what ever you’re doing, try for a whole week to pay a little closer attention to things that turn you on.
Don’t think pornography here. Whatever it is doesn’t need to be something that makes you want to have sex or even creates physical arousal in your body. It might be the slightest thing that momentarily captures your attention, sucks you in and changes the way you feel for just an instant.
When you notice it, try to “clip it”. This might mean printing something out that’s online, tearing a page out of a magazine, or using your phone or camera to record something on the street (obeying laws and a respect for others privacy please). You can also make notes about it so you can share it later. When making notes, try to write down as much description of the thing itself, and then a few words about what you like about it, what turns you on. These notes are only for you, not for your partner.
Don’t think about how these images or sounds fit together or how they make sense. Don’t worry about them being contradictory either. Just try to collect as many pictures and sounds as you can.
There’s only one rule. For this exercise you can’t use body parts. The thing that turns you on can’t just be a part of the body (breasts , chest, legs, etc…). You can use clothing, you can use facial expressions or movement of a person, but you can’t pick body parts in isolation. Here’s why. All too often we locate our desire in particular parts of the body without pushing ourselves to really think about what it is about that unique body part that turns us on. This exercise is about digging deeper. Talking about not just what’s on the surface that turns you on, but what it is that is arousing you from underneath.
You should try to collect at least four images, sounds, or descriptions. Once you’ve got at least four, take some time on your own looking at what you’ve collected and thinking about how you’re going to describe them to your partner.
Once you’ve spent a week doing this it’s time to share.
Sharing with Your Partner
Find a time when you are least likely to be interrupted and will have at least an hour together. Taking turns, present one image or sound or description. If you have something cut out don’t just show it, describe it to your partner. Once you’ve described it, share at least one thing that you like in the image. Remember the rule that you can’t rely on only a part of a person’s body. It’s easy to fall into, so you both must remain vigilant.
Once you’ve shared all your erotic images with each other, try to comment on your partner’s selections. Are there things that you also find interesting and arousing about what they’ve noticed? Are there similarities in what you’ve both chosen? Are there differences? How does it feel to hear your partner talk about what turns them on when they aren’t talking specifically about you?
There isn’t a specific goal for this sex tip exercise. The two things you may get out of it are a subtle shift in your awareness of what turns you on, and greater comfort in sharing what turns you on with a partner.
As always, try to have fun!
More sex tips for the rest of us.
The Set Up
Some, but not all of us, are aware when something turns us on. We might find ourselves just slightly more tuned in, or note a change in our bodies. It might be sudden and shocking or slow and subtle. Whether you’re aware of it or not, how often do you spend time thinking about why something turns you on?
What it is, specifically, that gets you hot? And when was the last time you shared those thoughts with a partner?
The Exercise
This sex tip takes a week to prepare and then at least an hour to do. Once you’ve agreed on a week (one that hopefully doesn’t have extra commitments) during that week, try to pay attention, as often as you can, to things you find arousing. You can be intentional about it and go online, buy some magazines, watch some movies, to seek out images and sounds that you find hot. But you should also do this during the course of your day. On a lunch break watching people around you, listening to the radio or reading the newspaper, in store windows and shopping malls. Wherever you are, what ever you’re doing, try for a whole week to pay a little closer attention to things that turn you on.
Don’t think pornography here. Whatever it is doesn’t need to be something that makes you want to have sex or even creates physical arousal in your body. It might be the slightest thing that momentarily captures your attention, sucks you in and changes the way you feel for just an instant.
When you notice it, try to “clip it”. This might mean printing something out that’s online, tearing a page out of a magazine, or using your phone or camera to record something on the street (obeying laws and a respect for others privacy please). You can also make notes about it so you can share it later. When making notes, try to write down as much description of the thing itself, and then a few words about what you like about it, what turns you on. These notes are only for you, not for your partner.
Don’t think about how these images or sounds fit together or how they make sense. Don’t worry about them being contradictory either. Just try to collect as many pictures and sounds as you can.
There’s only one rule. For this exercise you can’t use body parts. The thing that turns you on can’t just be a part of the body (breasts , chest, legs, etc…). You can use clothing, you can use facial expressions or movement of a person, but you can’t pick body parts in isolation. Here’s why. All too often we locate our desire in particular parts of the body without pushing ourselves to really think about what it is about that unique body part that turns us on. This exercise is about digging deeper. Talking about not just what’s on the surface that turns you on, but what it is that is arousing you from underneath.
You should try to collect at least four images, sounds, or descriptions. Once you’ve got at least four, take some time on your own looking at what you’ve collected and thinking about how you’re going to describe them to your partner.
Once you’ve spent a week doing this it’s time to share.
Sharing with Your Partner
Find a time when you are least likely to be interrupted and will have at least an hour together. Taking turns, present one image or sound or description. If you have something cut out don’t just show it, describe it to your partner. Once you’ve described it, share at least one thing that you like in the image. Remember the rule that you can’t rely on only a part of a person’s body. It’s easy to fall into, so you both must remain vigilant.
Once you’ve shared all your erotic images with each other, try to comment on your partner’s selections. Are there things that you also find interesting and arousing about what they’ve noticed? Are there similarities in what you’ve both chosen? Are there differences? How does it feel to hear your partner talk about what turns them on when they aren’t talking specifically about you?
There isn’t a specific goal for this sex tip exercise. The two things you may get out of it are a subtle shift in your awareness of what turns you on, and greater comfort in sharing what turns you on with a partner.
As always, try to have fun!
More sex tips for the rest of us.
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