When you believe that your marriage is in serious trouble, the sense of helplessness that results from the feelings of insecurity and uncertainty can wear you down emotionally and physically. One way to counteract those feelings is to go into a practical mode. Make a backup plan of what you would do and how you would do it if your marriage does end.

Although some think that having a backup plan is setting a couple up to fail in their reconciliation attempts, many believe such a plan is necessary.

It cannot only be a practical thing to do, it can also be an emotional security net.

Things to Consider

• Work on your self-esteem.
• Get a post-office box for your personal mail. Also set-up a private email account that you can use on a public computer at the library.
• Set up an individual checking account using your new personal address. In the event you do get a divorce, you will need to declare this nest egg (or what's left of it) to the court. Not doing so is considered fraud.
• Apply for a credit card in your own name and/or purchase a pre-paid debit card.
• Open a safe deposit box at your new bank. Store copies or the originals of important documents like birth and marriage certificates, tax returns, bank statements, social security numbers, etc.
• Purchase a "throwaway" cell phone. These phones are available at gas stations and grocery stores.
• If you are in the dark about your joint finances, do some research so you are aware of your debts, investments, and assets.
• Do research about where you would want to live along with apartment/home costs and availability.

• Investigate job openings if you aren't already working outside the home.
• Watch how you spend money and don't go on a buying binge.
• Save as much money as you can. If everything works out between the two of you, you can always surprise your spouse with a romantic vacation.
• Check out local resources for misplaced homemakers.
• Remind yourself to stay flexible.
• If you are in an abusive situation, have an emergency kit and an escape plan.
• If you have legal concerns, seek the advice of an attorney.

Thoughts From Forum Members
 

• Mrs. C: "Hell yes it's a practical thing to do! Especially if there are children involved. So what if it does serve as an "emotional safety net"? It's better than the alternative and believe me, I've BTDT. My hubby emptied our bank account and walked out on us after not paying rent or utilities for several months. If I had been smart, I would have been socking away money the entire time we were having problems. I don't know if it would have made me less inclined to want to reconcile with him though. I know I wouldn't have felt as helpless, so maybe it would have been much easier for me to behave in a more rational manner, thus speeding up our reconciliation if that makes any sense."
• H: "Another name for a pre-nup? I don't agree with those either. Nothing like setting up the marriage for failure in the future. Is it a practical thing to do? Only if one plans on the relationship ending."

Bottom Line About Back Up Plans

A backup plan does not include having someone else waiting in the wings. Doing so is a sure way to end your marriage. It is recommended that any romantic involvement be postponed until at least one year after a divorce.