Bedtime, Grownup Time
This may sound cold-hearted, but I'm convinced that one of the real purposes for kids going to bed before 8:30 pm is so that parents can kick back and unwind! Let's face it folks, if we don't get some time to ourselves in the evenings, we could suffer parent burnout, serious non-relationship with our spouse and the kids could suffer a much worse fate than getting a little extra sleep at night.
Now babies, I believe, live their own schedule and we must be patient in the first year or two.
They start out in the womb sleeping all day as mom bounces and rocks them through her daily activities and then wake up at night to create their own activity to ensure mom gets a good night sleep in return.
(Little do they know!) Next, they come out into the world where grownups make desperate attempts to turn their sleep schedule upside down! How confusing! Actually, babies need to eat and sleep more often than anyone else due to rapid growth of body & brain, so there's little chance of "normal" sleep for parents.
By the toddler stage, however, we are well into our routines for naps, meals and good ol' bedtime.
We convince ourselves that 10 pm is a pretty normal bedtime for a toddler, after all, they take naps and we don't! We figure late nights with toddlers is just one more of the perils of parenthood that we weren't prepared for but must give in to.
I say, "NO WAY!" As you well know, kids are very attached to their routines and have a great sense of timing.
You really can't decide one day that junior will go to bed at 8:30 or 9:00 just because you think it's a good idea.
They are programmed to stall you, anyway.
"So how is it possible to have a toddler to bed as early as 8:30 pm or even before?" you are wondering skeptically! The answer is: very subtly.
Start them to bed only 2 to 5 minutes earlier every couple of days.
Although it doesn't seem like much when you read about it, you will soon find yourself with an extra hour or two in the evening with nothing to do but all the stuff you thought you'd never have time for! We actually got our children to bed by 7:00 pm for a while.
Bliss!! You must watch the clock closely & stick to your timing in order for this to work.
Children are always afraid they'll miss something really interesting if they go to bed too soon, so they do what they can to inch the time in the other direction.
It's nothing personal-kids are just programmed that way.
Eventually, nap times progressively disappear, school enters the picture and a new stage of life begins.
With the inevitable homework and evening activities, how late should children really stay up? While each child's needs are somewhat different, I'm still a firm believer in early bedtimes: 7:30-8:30 generally, up to about 12 years old.
Then, increasing to 9 pm toward the end of 6th grade to accommodate additional homework.
I sometimes hear parents asking their kindergarten & elementary school children if they are tired or if they want to go to sleep.
I've never heard a child of this age to say "yes" to that question unless they are not feeling well.
They don't want to miss all of the exciting "stuff" that happens later at night.
There are a few genuine "night owls" out there, but not as many as some parents think.
For many children, once you get past their natural sleep time, they catch that second wind, get over-tired and have much more difficulty getting to sleep.
We mistakenly think they're "night owls.
" Take a look at your child's face.
Are there bags or circles under the eyes? Are their eyes glassy by dinnertime? Is your child lethargic or rather aggressive and unreasonable in the evenings? Does s/he tend do be indecisive? Does s/he get sick often? A "yes" to any of these questions can indicate that a child is not getting enough sleep.
Here again, you just have to start your bedtime routine a few minutes earlier every few days to make a difference.
It eliminates a very real source of potential struggle.
Trust me, you are much better off just doing it and not asking! I have also found that my own kids were old enough at 12 and 7 to understand that after a certain hour, it's grown up time and if they are really not ready to sleep after we've gone through our routines, they can read quietly in their rooms for up to a half hour.
This usually worked well for us.
Remember, evenings belong to parents.
Don't be afraid to lovingly claim your right.
You'll find that everyone will be much happier in the long run.
Now babies, I believe, live their own schedule and we must be patient in the first year or two.
They start out in the womb sleeping all day as mom bounces and rocks them through her daily activities and then wake up at night to create their own activity to ensure mom gets a good night sleep in return.
(Little do they know!) Next, they come out into the world where grownups make desperate attempts to turn their sleep schedule upside down! How confusing! Actually, babies need to eat and sleep more often than anyone else due to rapid growth of body & brain, so there's little chance of "normal" sleep for parents.
By the toddler stage, however, we are well into our routines for naps, meals and good ol' bedtime.
We convince ourselves that 10 pm is a pretty normal bedtime for a toddler, after all, they take naps and we don't! We figure late nights with toddlers is just one more of the perils of parenthood that we weren't prepared for but must give in to.
I say, "NO WAY!" As you well know, kids are very attached to their routines and have a great sense of timing.
You really can't decide one day that junior will go to bed at 8:30 or 9:00 just because you think it's a good idea.
They are programmed to stall you, anyway.
"So how is it possible to have a toddler to bed as early as 8:30 pm or even before?" you are wondering skeptically! The answer is: very subtly.
Start them to bed only 2 to 5 minutes earlier every couple of days.
Although it doesn't seem like much when you read about it, you will soon find yourself with an extra hour or two in the evening with nothing to do but all the stuff you thought you'd never have time for! We actually got our children to bed by 7:00 pm for a while.
Bliss!! You must watch the clock closely & stick to your timing in order for this to work.
Children are always afraid they'll miss something really interesting if they go to bed too soon, so they do what they can to inch the time in the other direction.
It's nothing personal-kids are just programmed that way.
Eventually, nap times progressively disappear, school enters the picture and a new stage of life begins.
With the inevitable homework and evening activities, how late should children really stay up? While each child's needs are somewhat different, I'm still a firm believer in early bedtimes: 7:30-8:30 generally, up to about 12 years old.
Then, increasing to 9 pm toward the end of 6th grade to accommodate additional homework.
I sometimes hear parents asking their kindergarten & elementary school children if they are tired or if they want to go to sleep.
I've never heard a child of this age to say "yes" to that question unless they are not feeling well.
They don't want to miss all of the exciting "stuff" that happens later at night.
There are a few genuine "night owls" out there, but not as many as some parents think.
For many children, once you get past their natural sleep time, they catch that second wind, get over-tired and have much more difficulty getting to sleep.
We mistakenly think they're "night owls.
" Take a look at your child's face.
Are there bags or circles under the eyes? Are their eyes glassy by dinnertime? Is your child lethargic or rather aggressive and unreasonable in the evenings? Does s/he tend do be indecisive? Does s/he get sick often? A "yes" to any of these questions can indicate that a child is not getting enough sleep.
Here again, you just have to start your bedtime routine a few minutes earlier every few days to make a difference.
It eliminates a very real source of potential struggle.
Trust me, you are much better off just doing it and not asking! I have also found that my own kids were old enough at 12 and 7 to understand that after a certain hour, it's grown up time and if they are really not ready to sleep after we've gone through our routines, they can read quietly in their rooms for up to a half hour.
This usually worked well for us.
Remember, evenings belong to parents.
Don't be afraid to lovingly claim your right.
You'll find that everyone will be much happier in the long run.
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