Let's get rid of the stereotype of a cheating spouse right now. For many, the image that pops to mind will probably be a man with lipstick on his collar and hotel receipts in his pocket. But the reality is that just as many women are unfaithful through the course of their marriage as men. So why do women cheat?

Many people seem more surprised (dare I say more judgmental) when a woman cheats. Some point to evolutionary concerns, saying that men are less biologically inclined to remain monogamous due to the need of mating with numerous women to ensure the continuation of the species. Women, presumably, are more "designed" to be nurturing and to stay home waiting for their mate. According to this stereotype, men are unfaithful in order to fulfill a physical need (sex) while women who cheat are looking to fulfill an emotional need.

But what do women who cheat say? Women who have affairs often cite their need to be appreciated, noticed and validated as one of the main motivators. Many cheating women claim that they felt lonely or ignored in their marriage. They felt that while their husband might have been an excellent provider and even father, he had stopped reacting to her as a woman, in a purely either romantic or physical way. That's not to say he wasn't interested in sex. He simply failed to make her feel that it was sex with her in particular that interested him.

When a woman cheats she often finds that a  new suitor brings new energy to a relationship. A woman who finds themselves suddenly the center of a man's attention and affection, being "courted" again and sensing that what they say and feel really matters to someone (rather than being "tuned out") at the end of the day…well that can be very seductive.

But what research is showing more and more is that fulfilling a purely sexual need is the motivator in only a fraction of affairs. Basically, for men and women, it's not about the sex people.

Let me cite the research of M.Gary Neuman. He caused a stir last year when he went on a famous afternoon talk show (sorry, trademark means I can't mention her name). Mr. Neuman had interviewed over 700 men who had affairs. In less than 12% of the sampling did the man admit that the woman with whom he was having the affair was either younger, prettier or in better shape than his wife. That means that 88% of the affairs men cited reasons of needing to feel admired, appreciated and validated as the main motivation in having an affair. Does that sound familiar? Basically, for men and women, it's not about the sex. Men and women find themselves involved in ectra marital affairs as a way to fulfill an emotional need outside of the marriage that is not being met within the marriage.

So what are the implications ofthese findings? This means that if you are afraid that your husband is cheating or your wife is cheating then focusing on how much attention and loving habits you invest in your marriage is more important than getting in that extra work out at the gym and trying to keep yourself looking "sexy" for them. When it comes to why do women cheat it would seem  that  sexy is as sexy does. How you make your wife feel if more important than how you look. The real reason that your wife might stray may have more to do with a stagnating marriage than with how cute her new tennis instructor is.